Tagged: news

4 Reasons To Avoid Using Eye-Catching Headlines

1. First, nobody likes people who try too hard. And a good eye-catching headline, such as, “Did Michael Jackson Secretly Confess to Janet That He Was Guilty?” or my favorite one from LinkedIn of late, “10 Reasons You Should Quit Your Job in 2014”, these types of headlines that really beg the reader to point-and-click reek of strong cologne before a big date. Rather than trying too hard, it’s better if you try just the right amount.

2. Second, your reputation is worth more than the ad revenue generated by clicks. And readers often feel let down when they discover (again) that Michael Jackson didn’t confess anything to Janet, and that there is not one good reason, let alone ten, to quit working in 2014. After time, people will question your integrity and motivations.

3. Third, and finally, the most enticing headlines are always one mistake away from pissing readers off.

World Economy In Disarray After Oprah Endorses Everything

Chicago.  In an unexpected–and unprecedented–move this past weekend, Oprah endorsed every product. The only African-American Billionaire, Miss Winfrey is making headlines around the world after her weekend decision, and doing so in every news category.

Simply put, people do not know what to do.

Since her rise to stardom, which began in 1984, Americans, and subsequently all humans, have looked to Oprah for guidance when undecided about how to spend their money. From books, to clothing, to boots, to coffee, to perfume, popcorn and more, consumers grew to love this new found ease of shopping in which they didn’t have to weigh the options themselves.

But now, in only the three hours since Captain’s Log learned of the story, virtual chaos has engulfed the world’s major cities. Every stock market has plunged, and some analysts are already predicting it will take more than twenty years to recover from this new great depression–if recovery is possible at all.

The Obama administration is the leading voice in the world’s governments call for people to remain calm. More difficult, however, has been these government’s task of asking their citizens to essentially think for themselves.

As for this American writer, the only hope is that Oprah’s thoughtless action has the unintended consequence of being the first cut in America’s citizens much needed Cesarean section. Stay tuned to Captain’s Log for further updates as this story develops.

She Can Hurt You

Who are these men?  Where do they come from?  What forces form them?  Is it nature?  Is it nurture?

Is there a specific set of childhood variables that must exist in certain quantities in order to produce these men?

We must admit that one attribute that these men have in common is ignorance.  As children, during the formative years, they must have been ignorant and unaware of situations where women hurt men.  Oh sure, we’ve all heard of poor John Bobbitt’s pain, but, seriously, what man considers amputation a likely outcome that need be guarded against?  In fact, there’s probably a man somewhere who has created some statistic which proves that the chance of a woman cutting a man is less than getting struck by lightning.

And men are proud creatures, the lot of them.  And rightfully so.  Is that it then?  Can we point the finger at an adult man’s pride?  (A father’s pride?)  Is pride the causal factor?  Is pride the reason that he wouldn’t share with young men that a woman had hurt him?  Or maybe he, the adult man, had never owned up to himself that she had hurt him?  Is this whole mess created by a simple lie?  Is it created by simple denial?  A virtual, “She didn’t hurt me.  I wanted to break up.  I hadn’t liked her for a while anyhow.  I can do better”?

Whatever the causes, I haven’t been able to figure out what words would get through to these men–or as Heat puts it, “All you are is a child growin’ older!”–these men who rush into relationships with women.  And no ‘mounta nothin’ cn talk ’em outta it–don’ matta who doin’ da sayin’.  I know, because I was one of them.  And then I almost repeated the mistake.  And then almost repeated it again.  And if I didn’t have such a hatred for patterns, I probably would’ve rinsed and repeated for the rest of my life.

Enter “old people”.

Turns out, they can hold their own in conversation.  And they’ve got, by definition, no shortage of experiences to back up the talk.  And I was looking for answers, ready to try anything.

So after a lot of listening, and a lot of thinking, the answer finally appeared.  I believe that I am invincible to women.  Or, rather, I believed I was invincible to women.  No longer.  Now, I know the truth.  Women are just as capable of hurting men as men are of hurting women.

So fellas (you know who you are), I have broken down the (our) problem as simply as I know how.  We need to acknowledge the simple, unbearable truth.  This truth is captured by four words, though I think its most effective delivery comes with repeating the words four times in a row, emphasizing a different word each time.

She can hurt you.  She can hurt you.  She can hurt you.  She can hurt you.

What’s the rush?

PS – As a reminder, hurt doesn’t feel good.

The “77% the Height of Adults” Myth About Kids’ Size

Recently, the Wall Street Journal’s online edition published an opinion piece which discussed the questionable raison d’etre behind the little known “Equal Pay Day.”  Only slightly less familiar to the general public is another “day” that has dubious origins.

Nearly a decade ago, April 14th, 2005 to be exact, the federal government acknowledged the plight of kids across the country by establishing “Equal Height Day”.  Much like “Equal Pay Day”, “Equal Height Day” seeks to raise awareness for a specific social injustice–that kids are shorter than their adult counterparts–by adding a second title to the otherwise repetitious monikers (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday) that help distinguish each complete rotation the Earth makes on its axis.  Though left unsaid, it is clear that supporters of “Equal Height Day” are hoping to achieve a portion of the attention they receive on other dually designated days–notably “Christmas Day” and “My Birthday”.  The trouble with the claim that kids are shorter than adults, however, comes when the supporting data is examined.

To begin, while it is easy to remember that each of us once had to tilt our head back to look at an adult’s face, we shouldn’t let nostalgic feelings affect the science of the problem.  Kids–by definition–are still growing.  Adults are done growing.  Even if it were possible to measure each kid at precisely the same moment and compare the resultant median kid height to the median adult height, the data will have changed before the ink of the report dries, so to speak.

Next, it appears that instead of actually measuring a bunch of kids with a tape measure, the researchers simply went residence to residence and measured existing lines drawn by caring parents on kitchen walls.  But everyone knows that kids use tip-toes when measured at home.

Lastly, and most deploringly, these very same researchers did not even measure the adults who took part in the study.  Instead, they opted to simply ask the adults how tall they were.

This last decision should betray more about the supporters of “Equal Height Day” than just insufficient methods.

Only kids would believe that adults tell the truth.

 

 

 

Get A Free Blog Review

Last summer an entrepreneur, friend, and sometimes blogger told me, “If you blog daily for six months, you should have 1000 followers at the end of those six months.”  Well, it’s been more than seven months of daily posts on Captain’s Log, and I’m sitting at 199.  As is the case with most facts, this amuses me.  Just the same, seeing that I am a part of the human race, and therefore partial to round numbers, I’m excited to amass follower number 200.  And I’m shameless when it comes to getting what I want.  So here’s what I’m offering: the blogger who follows me as number 200 will get a free review of their blog.  That’s right.  I’ll take some time between now and Monday to peruse your blog and then I’ll write the review for Monday’s post.  You can trust that I will be sure to say nice things as well as true things.  If you’re on the fence, think of it this way:  in return for a simple click of a mouse, you’ll get exposure to 199 readers who possibly aren’t aware of your stuff.  Heck, I might not be aware you exist.

This is a one time offer, and it is sure to go fast.  A little book called “The Magic of Thinking Big” mentions that “everyone you know craves praise”.  Well, I’m offering praise in exchange for bliss.  Whatdya say?

****

Schwartz, David Joseph. The Magic of Thinking Big. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1959. Print.

Peter Jackson Finally Comes Clean: Owns Boar’s Head Meat Company

This holiday season might be the last for Boar’s Head.  For over 100 years Boar’s Head has provided the finest quality meats and cheeses to local grocers, though most shoppers complain the product line is over-priced.  Thanks to the work of one attentive meat-eating movie lover, who spoke on condition of anonymity, it appears something is amiss.

It is now clear that Boar’s Head’s recent growth, beginning in the early 2000s, is all due to a deliberate marketing campaign involving one of Hollywood’s most awarded directors.  Oddly enough, Peter Jackson released the first of his hugely successful Lord of the Rings trilogy in 2001.  At first, it only seemed strange to Jonathan*, but in 2002 he could not longer deny the coincidences.   What really caught his attention was when, in 2002, the prices of Boar’s Head jumped over a dollar a pound, for all products.  Jonathan refused to believe the company when they told him it was simple economics, and instead began to do a little digging on his own.

It turns out that Peter Jackson is a carnivore.  He only eats animal products–no plants.  He just won’t touch the stuff.  And Jonathan discovered that in the late ’90s, Jackson began using his growing wealth to promote carnivorism as a counter to the growing vegetarian/vegan trends.  That’s also when he first was pitched on Lord of the Rings.  Like any decent Hollywood personality, he couldn’t avoid including his own personal agenda in his art.  Jonathan picked up the trail as he watched The Two Towers in 2002, and heard an Uruk-hai announce, “Looks like meat’s back on the menu, boys!”

With Jackson’s films gracing the theaters again this winter, Jonathan finally gathered enough evidence to merit Jackson’s attention.  Public pressure mounting, yesterday, Jackson tweeted a response:

“It’s true.  I purchased Boar’s Head in 1998, and proceeded to craft the LOTR films in a way that made meat look normal and right to eat.”

Other than the fact that the Boar’s Head name and logo completely influenced the costumes and makeup of the LOTR films, it appears that nothing unethical has taken place in the company.  We do wonder, however, how many other choices we’re making have been influenced by the Hollywood elite.

A Letter to the Victims of the Aurora Theater Shooting

To the Victims of the Aurora Theater Shooting:

“If I had my way they’d take metal altogether out of this world. Every blade, every gun,” says Natalie Portman’s character in the classic film “Cold Mountain.”  Maybe I’m just a sucker for movies, but when I watch that one–and that scene in particular–an “Amen!” or “Preach it!” escapes my lips before I know it.  I can only imagine that you feel the same way.

I’m writing this letter to you today because I want you to know that I do not believe a letter like this is what is needed at the moment.  But, at the moment, I have to write a letter for a class and I wanted to write to you.  I’ve been taking undergraduate courses in writing recently, and a large part of writing is rhetoric.  Rhetoric is the term used to describe the tools writers use to affect their audience.  I’m told a writer uses rhetoric—these tools–to persuade people to agree with him.  Sometimes the use of rhetoric isn’t deliberate, sometimes it is very deliberate.  Like I said, though, I don’t believe words, especially not the words on this page, can help me persuade you to believe anything at the moment.  “So why the letter?” you may ask.

As you know, Colorado, in large part because of the tragic events of July 20, 2012, is currently in the spotlight of a larger movement across the nation.  I’m talking, of course, about the state legislature’s recent revisit to its gun policy.  There’s no denying that without guns July 20th—more importantly, your lives–would never have been tainted by this unbearable act.  Just the same, I can’t help but wonder if changes are being made too quickly.

Here’s what I’m proposing:  For the last year I’ve been hosting a dinner series of sorts at my home.  I’d like to invite you over to the one scheduled for July 20, 2014.  If you can believe it, July 20th is my birthday.  As July 20, 2012 approached I’d been excitedly anticipating the movie for a year, knowing it was coming out on my birthday.  My brother can confirm that I bawled on the phone that morning as I heard the news.  I had called him to discuss whether we should still see the movie that night.  He was on I-70, driving to Denver from Kansas City so we could see the movie together as a birthday present.  This July 20–July 20, 2014–I’m inviting you to a dinner at my home.  The dinner will be a place where we will share ourselves.  You don’t know me yet, but rest assured that disrespect has no place at my home.  I want to know what you think, and I would like to share some thoughts with you as well.

So, what do you say?  I have a little saying that I stole from the Oracle of another blockbuster trilogy: “The only way to get there is together.”  I believe my time in the Air Force allows me to own this phrase as it’s essentially the positive way of saying, “You don’t crash in compartments.”  I feel like you and I are separated by more than space, and I don’t think that’s necessary or valuable.  Please contact me if you agree and would like to join me for an event that your presence will enhance substantively.

Yours sincerely,

//signed//

Pete

Shocking GOP Confession: New AR Underwear Political Tactic Gone Wrong

On Wednesday, in what can only be described as a stunning and devastating admission, GOP leaders took full responsibility for the recent controversy last weekend’s release of “Anti-Rape” underwear caused.  The party, clearly in no position to risk alienating women voters, is yet again doing an about-face after choosing the wrong side of an issue.  This time, however, the demand for an explanation has elicited an even more shocking revelation than simply owning up to having created the controversial AR underwear itself.

Speaking under anonymity, one leader shared, “Times are tough.  The rules seem to be disappearing.  We just care so much about America that we were willing to try anything.  We made a mistake.”

Karen, a local feminist leader, went so far as to claim, “The creation of AR underwear is the single largest setback in the struggle for gender equality.  Ever.  Rape is not a woman’s fault.  Period.  Historians will record this as the straw that broke the GOP’s back.”

The details are still sketchy, but we now know that the GOP is, in fact, the creator and sole financial backer of the AR underwear.  Constructed out of blade-resistant materials, the AR underwear is nearly impossible to remove without knowing the combination to a special locking mechanism in the waistband.  Had the public blindly accepted them at face value the story might have ended there.  Unfortunately for Republicans everywhere, the public didn’t accept the underwear.  Public pressure mounting, one of the creators finally came forward with an explanation yesterday.

A high-ranking party member confessed, “You want to know the truth?  The truth is we need liberals to stop breeding.  That’s it.  It’s a numbers game.  To achieve this, we created a ridiculous pair of underwear that can’t be removed.  Everyone involved loved it–until we realized we still needed to give liberal women a reason to wear them.”  Clearly agitated, the informant then bemoaned, “Liberals are so damned captivated by the infantile desire for a life without consequences that we thought this “Anti-Rape” marketing campaign might be a winner.  Boy were we wrong.”

The informant further lamented, “Everyone knows we’re desperate.  We were thinking of our children.  We had to try something to put them back in the majority.  Regrettably, it looks as though this will be the final nail in our great party’s coffin.”

In what seems little more than a swan song, the informant assured this writer that all remaining GOP congressional and senate salaries will be donated to organizations dedicated to reducing sexual assault in America.

Thank The Doctor

For Paul.

Like any pilot, he feared hospitals.  Any fool knew the buildings themselves were stable and not prone to injure their inhabitants, so he knew his fear must have been generated by something inside the buildings.  It was.  For this pilot, the doctor was the root of the fear.  The doctor was the one person who could take away, without him having any say, what he worked so hard to achieve–the wonder of flight.

He couldn’t help but notice that his fear was never lonely.  The other pilots feared the doctor too.  More than that, he noticed that even some civilians feared entering those sterile buildings and visiting this flesh expert.  “But what would give the civilians pause?” he wondered, now distracted by the thought.  Quick as lightening, the horrible truth revealed itself: doctors were omnipotent.

He wondered if they knew.  Perhaps they did, then again perhaps they didn’t.  Prior experience told him that this wasn’t exactly the kind of information that should be shared lightly.  Who could he tell?  If doctors didn’t know their power, upon being told, they might begin to abuse it.  But if they did know?  Wow.  What a benevolent group of individuals they were!

More than soldiers, more than policemen, more than politicians, more than clergy, it is doctors that hold this life ransom.

“Take this,” they say, knowing full well its a crap-shoot.

“Do that,” they command, never feeling resistance.

“You’ll live,” they pronounce so matter-of-factly that the recipient of even the worst boo-boo’s spirit is lifted.

“You’re going to die,” they deliver, never betraying whether this is good news or bad.

Truly more powerful than the caped crusader himself, these lab-coated demigods hold all of life’s keys.  With a sure-grip they hold humanity’s heart in their stable hands.  And yet they choose not to squeeze too tightly.

He realized, then, that it’s okay to be afraid.  But he knew he should also be grateful.  He should be grateful that these quiet professionals choose to meekly implement their duties with reserve.  He wouldn’t allow himself to consider the other option; it was too terrible.

So go on being afraid, it’s justified.  Just the same, never forget to thank the doctor.

LinkedIn All-Stars Discover Bosses Furious

Earlier this year LinkedIn celebrated its tenth anniversary.  With ten years under its belt, the Silicon Valley tech giant has finally fallen prey to researchers.  The findings aren’t pretty.  Among a newly released 500-page report there are some notable discoveries:

  • 63% of LinkedIn Users report spending time each day to see if the infinite scroll really is infinite.
    • Of those users, 25% admit feeling “genuinely disappointed” when, upon reaching the end, they read “There are no more updates at this time” instead of congratulations for beating the game.
  • 84% of Users have achieved All-Star Profile Strength.
    • Of those Users, 100% believe they are more likely to receive a promotion within the next 6 months because of it.
      • Of those Users, zero worked in companies whose promotion decisions factored in their employee’s LinkedIn Profile Strength.

And most damning,

  • After not having the heart to crush their employee’s hopes and dreams and tell them, “No, browsing LinkedIn is not what I’m paying you to do,” 100% of Bosses spend at least 10-minutes wishing for the “good ol’ days” when employees earned their pay.

Finally, the researchers noted first, that despite these findings, employees generally felt that they were more productive because of LinkedIn and second, that more research should be done to validate their findings.