Growing up in Johnson County, the 30-plex cinema experience was the norm. Nearly every weekend I would look forward to spending my hard-earned money to see the latest best movie. Sadly, this is not the case anymore. Couple spending a lot of time in the Deep South where movies just aren’t the fashion with having a family of my own and there just isn’t time or money to go to the (oftentimes crummy) theaters every week. Add to that the severe reduction in quality of movies today, and there is usually just one movie a year which gets my derrière to the reclining theater seats. Last year it was Superman.

This didn’t mean that I didn’t want to see Avatar: Fire and Ash, it just means that I didn’t want to pay to see it.

Enter the world famous “co-worker’s Disney+ account” however, and I finally got the chance to see it on my own terms.

Here’s how this list is going to work. I took notes, starting about half-way through the movie, of aspects of A:F’n’A which are completely unoriginal. But once the wheels started turning, I also remembered things from earlier scenes and so not everything is chronological. Just the same, the point (besides simple reading pleasure) will reveal itself to savvy readers long before this blog post is finished. Let’s jump in.

1. To begin, the overall story is a simple re-telling of Dances with Wolves. Here again we see the White Man who as a group loves to explore and as an individual has a natural propensity for wanting to learn about PreHistory Man from PreHistory Men. But the collision of pen and paper with cooking-over-open-fires is inescapably destructive, so the life struggle begins. This is a perfectly fine storyline. But we’ve seen it before.

2. As a high point of the movie, the dialogue, nearly in its entirety, is great. That said, there are far too many “bro’s” dropped, and “My Jake’s” lines at the several major “you’re still alive!” reunion moments were uninspiring—as were the battle speeches. But the Colonel’s lines were on point and cathartic throughout. I personally credit the actor. Ever since we met in Tombstone, Stephen Lang just seems like a man who wouldn’t want to be heard saying stupid lines.

3. As I mentioned in my recent podcast recommendation blog, the next place A:F’n’A uses someone else’s source material blatantly is having the PreHistory Man be armed by the bad guy White Men. This is Russia giving Chinese communists weapons throughout the 20th Century; this is America giving the South Vietnamese weapons in the 60s; America-Afghani’s-80s; this is Iranians and Ukrainians wanting America to give them weapons today. Why can’t the PreHistory Man just lead the way in military technology? Or even hold their own?

4. Abraham’s unsuccessful sacrifice of Isaac makes an odd appearance as “Jake Sooly” determines to kill “monkey boy” for fear of some future genocide of the entire Na’vi. Sure, there was no mountain climb, no wood on the back that typified Jesus carrying his cross, and no ram in the bush. But, there was a father raising a knife and ultimately not killing the boy. That’s Abraham and Isaac through and through. (Bible)

5. Deepwater Horizon and Last Breath are two must-see movies, assuming accurate-seeming depictions of mazes of metal tubes and cables are your thing. In A:F’n’A, the White Man has been busy and built a compound which is basically a giant oil rig. Through, above, below, and, most importantly, between all these pipes and cables Mr. Cameron sends his PreHistory dragon riders flying. Star Wars IV is definitely the influence, but my main thought while trying to enjoy the action was, “Is this really all I get during my time on Earth? A repeat of same concept, just with different looking faces and vehicles?”

6. In the “strengths” column, the movie definitely creates men and women as separate beings. Men are men and only men. Women are something totally different. I don’t know that there is one movie which counts as the definitive example of this much-needed reality, but First Blood and Steel Magnolias might call to mind the right idea.

7. Unfortunately for my kids, there is a scene of attempted suicide by a spoiled pre-teen. So they won’t be watching part 3 anytime soon. But what really turns me off is that the messiah half-sister cheers him up by saying, “There’s greatness in you!” Yeah, right. That’s just what I’d want to hear after feeling so low that I don’t want to feel anything anymore. How about just tell me that I’m beautiful after the mirror cracks at my ugliness? No, Mr. Cameron, the answer to suicide is not lying. In any case, source material is What Dreams May Come, and just about every chick flick where a crying female is consoled with superficial platitudes.

8. In the main attempt at a Braveheart battle cry speech, which was so half-arsed that it is disrespectful to the concept, Jake says, “Many arrows can’t be broken!!!!” as he holds real arrows in the air, thus symbolizing what the PreHistory Man surely has concrete knowledge of. Source is, of course, Aesop’s Fables, but movie-wise, the line is so cheesy that it calls to mind Con Air and Cameron Poe’s southern-drawling, “My daddy taught me many hands make light work.”

9. As the White Man’s COO leads the water attack, he showcases absolute command over his forces. This brings to the fore the always intriguing notion of whether mercenaries (private) could ever be better soldiers than military (public) men. Sicario explores this topic, as does Miami Vice, to name a couple. (My own vote is for public servants, obviously. But I agree the jury is out, thus it is a fun debate.)

10. Of course, it goes without saving that despite every effort to offer profound commentary on PreHistory Man’s religions, the entire concept of an all-the-life-of-a-planet fighting some invading force is comprehensively introduced in War of the Worlds.

11. I want to keep this post safe for work, but I need to use a word that may not be. You see, taboo or not, we all know that there exist for many people something called fetishes. Many people have fetishes. These are unreasoned hungers that should never be publicly owned or expressed. Mr. Cameron’s fetish, that apparently no one had the gumption to tell him was his fetish, and was not some compelling, “me too” plot point, is pregnant women engaging in kinetic war. It is disgusting to think about and repulsive to watch. It is also a direct copy of One Battle After Another. (Interestingly, now that I think about it, both of these are BIPOC women to boot. He’s a sick one for sure, I tell ya!)

12. In the same category, “How did that make it into the movie?”, Sully actually says the words “My”, “You”, and “Wingman” in close proximity to each other. Source material anyone? Give me a break.

13. The supposed-to-be epic final, final, final fight scene takes place in stormy weather. It’s not a direct copy of the rain fight of Matrix Revolutions, or the lava fight of Revenge of the Sith, but it is the same—just the same. The main problem I have with Cameron’s copy is those other two movies’ environments were part of the story (a nuclear-cloud covered earth would necessarily result in rain many days, and Obi Wan only caught up to Anakin on Mustafar because that is where Anakin was completing a tasker). In Avatar, the Flux Devil plays no role in the story beyond creating stupendous visuals.

Speaking of visuals, if there is one “skill” Mr. Cameron possesses in an amount greater than anyone else on this planet, it is maintaining clarity in the pinch-zoom. I am a qualified judge of this skill, even more so than all of you, because every morning I peruse a digital copy of the newspaper, the funny papers in particular. (This keeps me sane.) I then screen capture any strips that I believe are worthy of sharing. Sometimes the formatting of the newspaper in the wonky app is frustrating and I have to take a picture of only a small part of the screen and then hope that when it fills the screen the text is still readable. What can I do if it proves to not be legible? I mean, the words are half the point. In any case, you get my point: I know pinch-zooming and Mr. Cameron is tops. Countless are the times he starts far away and rapidly zooms in, and all without losing any fidelity. Good job, Sir!

Finally, Avatar: Fire and Ash did introduce one topic that I had not previously considered. It is this. The only way to turn a mortal enemy into a friend is to save his or her life. On top of this, if we could get the leader of every tribe, clan, country, government, and family—simply put, all the leaders of the world, including future leaders—to fight and stay alive for so long that they each have a chance to return the favor of saving their previously mortal enemy’s life, then I truly believe, after seeing A:F’n’A, world peace would ensue, and endure, as the abstract formula would have been verified by experiment.