Letter to My Friend About Publishing The Divorce and Doom of Simon Pastor

Hey Friend,

I’ve been thinking about your phone call last week, about the unnamed feeling you felt. Now, I can’t possibly know what you’re thinking about your book, but here’s what I’m thinking about my book. I’m terrified to put it on sale and have people read it. Terrified. Why? Because on that day the dream ends. I think I told you about my next book, Eight Acres, and that I have always had a problem of fantasizing about the future rather than living in the now. After talking with you the other morning at the Egg and I (and even before then) I’ve been sustained by the dream that The Divorce and Doom of Simon Pastor will really take root. That it will go viral. That men (and their women) will write me to thank me for being the vulnerable one and sharing my experiences with such daring. And oh yes, radio shows. Probably even television will be in the mix, to be honest. And more than that, the dream has included that I won’t have to get a real job again. Because I can’t stand working.

But the day I list the book on Amazon, the dream ends. In its place will be only one simple reality–it won’t sell. Unlike the book version of this blog, Simon Pastor may sell 50 copies or so to family and friends and random blog followers because it is new material. But it won’t go viral. It won’t “put me on the scene”. It won’t prevent me from having to endure a real job again. It might, of course, but it won’t. No, it actually doesn’t even have a might. It just won’t. Make no mistake, I needed to write this book. I needed to write it like I need my next breath. And I need to write my blogs. But that’s a far cry from it selling. I’m beginning Eight Acres this weekend and will likely have it complete before February. But then the money starts running out. The dream will end. And I’ll be putting to test my resolve at being kind to my ex-wife as my new job’s schedule will likely act as a catalyst to backsliding into anger and hurt.

I am happy though. Really happy. I don’t regret anything and I wouldn’t change a thing about how I lived my life since taking the oil rig job. 33 is a big year for me. Laughing, I told George the other day that only after having finished this book did I remember that I predicted back in church camp years ago that 33 was when I’d start my calling. Ha. Everyone else always acted like it was in/around college that they would begin their calling. Well, at 18 I said that I felt mine would begin at 33 because that’s how old Jesus was (give or take) when they killed him. Immature, misguided, morbid, delusional, but true nonetheless. And you can bet I never imagined my calling would be a book centered on divorce. Suffice it to say, I can’t wait to hit 34 and laugh at my prophetic abilities. Either way, I’m certain that no matter what it is going to be a helluva lot of fun.

Okay. Sell your book. Give it away. Get people reading it. And on to the next one.

Pete

PS – James Hetfield of Metallica said, “Music is my therapy. I need to do it.” I’m not sure that’s exactly where you’re at with writing, but I think you can see the value in his honest admission. With this book, I am certain now that money has nothing to do with the fact that I need to write.

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28 comments

  1. rikaye

    I so appreciate your blog post. With my book in its final stages of proof-reading, I’m so looking forward to sending it back to my publisher and getting it off my hands. But then, when it’s released, I’m feeling the same dread you describe! I guess once you leap off the diving board there’s no turning back! Such is life. Best of luck. Rich Kaye

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    • Pete Deakon

      Hey Rich,

      Thanks for letting me know. I always worry about putting embarrassing thoughts on here. People like you help reassure me that maybe they’re not too embarrassing. And that makes me happy. Ha. Thanks. Best wishes with “Final Thoughts from a Zen Dog”.

      Pete

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  3. Bowrag

    Pete… excellent post. I am thinking I need to write a book. But I am not sure I am a good writer! haha. My father wrote a book about 7 years ago. You can still buy in on BN and Amazon. He was laughing the other day and said he got his royalty check for the 2014 year. It totaled $16.00. I then asked how much did you make the year is was published. He said in 7 years he has made a total of $852.00

    Nice.

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    • Pete Deakon

      Thanks man. You know what’s sick? I have the book version of this blog out there and I probably check my amazon author stats twice a day. LOL. Twice a day. haha. As if they’re going to change. LOL. Though, amazon does update the stats hourly. 🙂

      Pete

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  6. Sharon Greene

    And that is the essence of the writing life. We write because we have to share our ideas. While we may dream of fame and fortune and going viral, deep down we know it is like playing the lottery. Maybe you will be that one in 13 million or so that hits the jackpot but that’s not why you continue to blog or write books. You write because you have to whether you get rich or famous or not. And that’s okay. That’s what writers do.

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    • Pete Deakon

      Thanks for the encouragement. For my daughter’s sake, though, let’s hope the dream manifests itself. 🙂 (I think what I just wrote is like “Inception”…a dream within a dream. Oh boy.)

      Pete

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  11. kmensor

    Love it! I believe if the value of anything you create or share comes comes from within good things are bound to come from it.

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  13. Pingback: Coincidence or Calling? | Captain's Log

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