Tagged: creative writing

Much Ado About Guns, Much Ado About Safety, Much Ado About First Responders

“As a veteran military interrogator…”

“From an ER nurse married to an LEO…”

“As a retired sheriff’s deputy…”

“As a physician…”

“As a retired federal agent…”

Dear Reader, care to make a guess as to the title or content of the YouTube video which had such opening lines to the comments?

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Last week was a busy week for me.

For a myriad of reasons, we just don’t fly as much at night, so most of my night hitches grow long and I run out of things to do. Sure, I read diligently. You remember I dabble in learning ASL. I exercise. But if you are able to rest all night and then have 12hrs before work, that is a lot of time to fill.

With that in mind, I had resolved a while ago to get my concealed carry permit again (I had one while active duty, but never kept it when I moved). Rather than take up time when home with the kids, I figured, “Why not find some training while away at work?” So I did.

I had the training scheduled for last Fri/Sat. It made for a bit of stress, because Thursday night and Friday night now became “I hope we don’t fly” instead of “Let’s see what the shift brings.” But it was a good plan.

Then the school shooting happened. This go-around, the unique part was that the kid was already known to be uncommon, to put it mildly. For all the talk about guns, this fact was the most depressing to me because it makes one feel the most helpless. We simply are not safe.

Then I had some time at the beginning of a shift to catch up on any company mandated CBT and saw that I had to do the annual “workplace violence” one before October. So I did it.

To summarize the week thus far, I knew I had concealed carry training (implies self-defense on the brain), there was a school shooting (I have two high schoolers), the shooter was known beforehand to law enforcement (we are not safe), and even at work I had to contemplate how to survive, as a first responder, to any violence while responding to a scene of violence.

That was all before Friday and the first part of the concealed carry training.

Sidebar: There is an actual shooting/accuracy test to the training, and I hadn’t shot in over a decade, so I was a bit nervous. I reviewed some videos which seemed to have good authority and called to mind what the Air Force had taught me. Suffice it to say, I will never watch another. Nor will I ever “train” or consider “training” as anything other than live fire. The recoil and overall physicality endured while firing a weapon cannot be replicated by any amount of anything. This is different from flying, for example, and many other activities in which simulation is highly beneficial. I’m writing this more for me than you, but if you don’t shoot much and have fallen prey to YouTube charisma, then feel free to use this confession to motivate you to get off your duff and go to the range.

Back to the main point of this post.

While in the training, we learned about a concept that I had never considered before (or heard of): insurance for the legal aftermath of “self-defense” shootings. It seemed like a reasonable concept/product and I was about to purchase it.

Then today I was introduced to the fine print and dissuaded from ever purchasing such insurance, in favor of hiring an attorney on retainer. (I am not sure if that is the proper language, but you get my point.)

Then while down that rabbit hole, I discovered the rather unique video which garnered the comments above. Without further ado, the video was a recommendation (which I have taken to heart) to always have the police take you to the hospital after a shooting. Reasons given ranged from strategic, to physical, to financial. But what struck me was the overkill of “appeal to expertise” or “ethos” (recall from Aristotle “logos, pathos, ethos”) in the supportive YT comments. First responders and others in similar positions at hospitals etc certainly have a thankless job. What else can be the reason they so nakedly want respect?

In the end, I am a dad, not a warrior, not a gunslinger. America is a safe place to live and work. First responders are as guilty for their attitudes as the thankless public. And I will be happy for a nice break, and some camping in the mountains with the kids in two days.

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So did you guess correctly? Let me know in the comments.

After Driving for 4 Hours with Them On, Merrell Moab 3 Shoes Are Amazing

I wouldn’t normally judge shoes based on non-use, but I do a lot of sitting as a rule. So why not judge them in their environment?

Truth be told, I inserted my Red Wings $60 insole as soon as I took them out of the box. (What’s another $60 towards Red Wing when spending $250? Wouldn’t want to discover the $250 isn’t comfortable, would ya?)

Anyhow, these Merrell Moab 3’s are amazingly comfortable for driving. Like slippers but an added assurance of stability.

Reaction to Today’s Obituaries

In this version of a recuring theme, I want to call your attention to each person’s “best”.

I mean that in each obituary there is usually one truth which sneaks past the editor, one ridiculous claim that isn’t about the deceased—but the writer. Some, if we’re lucky, have more than one.

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“Among his many achievements were a state basketball championship at G- High School and a state football championship at W- High School.”

-unnnnnnfortunately, you can’t take it with you.

“He and his family also spent summers growing gladiola for sale to commercial florists and at farmers markets in (city).”

-must’ve been some flowers for commercial florists to take notice.

“She was the beautiful blonde cheerleader and [her husband, E-], the handsome basketball star.” And, “She studied His Holy Word and lived in His Way always.”

-pretty much everything a little tow head girl could ask for in life, no?

“Beginning in 1982 they lived in homes in (city) that P- spent his time improving, until 1977.”

-wish I knew him!

“He was a voracious reader; reading every book in the public library during his elementary and high school years.”

-middle school must’ve been when he experimented with hard drugs though obviously he ultimately decided against the practice.

“Following an intense loss at the B- Invitational Golf Tournament, he decided against a professional golf career.”

-Oh. Interesting. So that’s why. Hmm. Quitter.

(Same man) “He was open-minded and did not see distinctions of class, education, or wealth.”

-lots of Black friends probably.

“They specialized in high quality and custom hardwood lumber for the local building industry.”

-too bad commercial buyers weren’t interested. That would’ve been something to write about.

“C- strived for morality and enjoyed the unique qualities of everyone she met.”

-is that how pro-lifers are described today?

“J- poured his heart and love of writing into this book which can be found on http://www.amazon.com.”

-slow down. Was that three double-u’s or four?

“In 1972, she graduated valedictorian from S- high school.”

-set. For. Life.

“A beautiful woman of deep faith and exceptional grace, she excelled in many endeavors in her life.”

-what can I say? Rotator cuff injury took me out in 8th grade. Downhill from there.

(Same lady.) “At the time of her selection (three years ahead of her peers) she was one of the youngest officers in the Air Force selected for promotion to full colonel.”

-no comment

(One more from this David-hearted mortal.) “L- lived the life that she wanted to have.”

-lucky!!

“S- was an astute businesswoman who helped build a successful business that still exists today.”

-ahh. Finally. In the only meaningful sense of the word, one lucky dead woman found happiness. Or as Aristotle called it, “Eudaimonia.” Flourishing.

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As always, reader, please do better. Please take life seriously. Please do not write this crap about your loved ones. If you need help, comment. Or email me. I would be happy to help you tell the truth.

The Level My Grandma and Brother Are Complicit

The level my grandma and brother (her a democrat and he a smarty-pants lefty) are complicit in the attempted assassination is directly related to how they defend President Biden’s response to Mr. Holt.

Headlines across news outlets use the words “Biden”, “Mistake”, and “Bullseye” in close proximity and suggest the president admitted erring. But here is the transcript.

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Biden: “I didn’t say crosshairs (inaudible) focus on look the truth of the matter was I guess what I was talking about at the time was there’s very little focus on Trump’s agenda-”

Holt: “-Yeah the term was bullseye.”

Biden: “It was a mistake to use the word I didn’t mean I didn’t say crosshairs I meant bullseye I meant focus on him focus on what he is doing…”

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(That took an inordinate amount of effort to transcribe, btw. You’re welcome.)

The question remains. What do my grandma and my brother do with this?

How they speak of it determines as accurately as any other measure we could develop how complicit they are. The range being

1. NOT competent to stand trial and NOT complicit. This would be the case if they change the subject and unashamedly suggest they had no idea guns existed, let alone would be used on any one of the several billion good-to-the-core fellow men.

2. Competent to stand trial and complicit. They are complicit according to their level of earnestly believing it is not their role to monitor Pennsylvanian young adults’ or elected officials’ integrity. Make no mistake, this option is the more depressed one, at least to those of us happy-go-lucky bible readers and our “Am I my brother’s keeper?” story. This second option would be the case if they actually attempt an on-point answer, but its content indicates they will never concede that Biden did not admit erring.

Reaction to a Couple Obituaries, to Include the First Ever (for this blog) Mildly Approved Sentiment

“(Person) loved his family and he spent his life in service of their welfare and happiness. Most recently, he found great joy in being a grandfather, investing an enormous amount of time and love doting on his dearest (two named grandsons). He also cared deeply for the larger community around him.”

– What is being hidden here? A “lifetime in service of their welfare and happiness”? That kind of lie can only mean bitter, bitter relationships and it also evinces a total misunderstanding of language. Sorry, it was rough being in his family folks, but a few words in the Sunday paper after he’s dead is not going to “manifest” anything pretty, let alone reach back into the past and fix the issues. And why is it wrong to pick out one or two people (from the billions) to love? Ever since whites learned the power of the phrase “black community”, they feel guilty if they don’t use part or all of it during supposedly momentous occasions. Just stop. We don’t live as members of some group which needs fancy and false descriptors any different than T-Rex or George Washington did.

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Onto the first ever approved, if mildly, obituary assertion.

“He got a black lab puppy last year in April named Oslo. She was the best thing that had happen to him in quite some time. He never went anywhere without her, and they spent hours every day playing fetch with the tennis ball. He loved telling jokes and always had a smile on his face, despite away being described as grumpy ass sometimes.”

– What makes these sentiments worthy is they are fearless. Do you see? This dude lived a kinda shitty life (if a dog is the best thing to happen to you, then you’re having a “sour go”). I love the use of “tennis” to describe the ball—like anyone really cares what kind of ball it was. So quaint. I could do without the “ass”, and I wonder why no “air quotes” around “grumpy ass”, but the beauty is that whoever wrote this had some respect for the dead. I repeat: whoever wrote this respected this man. And the dead man obviously had threatened, or lived in a way which threatened, haunting whoever lied about him after his death.

So good work. This pairing of deceased and writer can teach us all a thing or two.

America’s Husband 2, Plus Bonus Coverage of Ongoing Kidnapped Daughter Drama

A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. -The Bible

“Sling a paddle with the next and starve as contentedly as Job. Go for’ard when the sloop’s nose was more often under than not, and take in sail like a man. Went prospecting once, up Teslin way, past Surprise Lake and the Little Yellow-Head. Grub gave out, and we ate the dogs. Dogs gave out, and we ate harnesses, moccasins, and furs. Never a whimper; never a pick-me-up-and-carry-me. Before we went she said to look out for grub, but when it happened, never a I-told-you-so.” -Jack London

Holy Writ accounts for the italics para about nagging wives. But what can be said about Jack London’s fantasy blurb from his short “Siwash”? Is it not the Proverb we all believe to be the Word of God simply put in the positive?

In the ongoing arguments with the wife, I throw out, “Why doesn’t scripture warn wives about nagging husbands? Did the LORD forget that? Is it because he is sexist? I think there are more difficult issue within Scripture than what it would mean to suggest that maybe He legitimately forgot. I’d run with that.

In any case, it’s a conundrum to nagging Christian wives.

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I have mentioned that nearly everything reminds me of my kidnapped daughter. Well, this summer I’m back in Colorado. Trying to get back into regular contact with H- was primary goal, but others include the mountains. As such, I have been doing inventory on the camping gear as A-, J-, and I are going to hit the campgrounds soon. In so doing, I discovered—of all things—toothbrushes and toothpaste from the last time I went camping. And that would’ve been with H- some 6+ years ago. Sad.

Anyhow, the other kids and I are having our own fun in the mountains and I can only hope suicidal social media and general neglect isn’t taking it’s toll on H- as she is taught about how to normalize darkness by her mother. I only know she is alive because she hangs up rather than lets the calls ring through to vm. I probably should be grateful.

Here I just want to capture one undeniable fact: as her dad, I never did, have, or would’ve kept H- from her mother.

I feel shitty on the regular because I know I should’ve never married H-’s mom. It’s not a good feeling. But what to do? Best I can come up with is try to warn others.

Boys: Don’t marry whores. Just don’t do it. Nothing to do with scripture. Not talking true love waits. Just don’t marry whores. Take it from ol’ Pete.

Reaction Post to Lines/Phrases from Today’s Obituaries

“In lieu of flowers, please donate to the charity of your choice.”

– I honestly don’t know which use of money is more worthless these days.

Keywords from one poor lady’s obituary: active member, served, nearly every way possible, invested, (another) active, zest, dedication to social justice, quality time.

– Way to sh!t on regular members (the rest of us) and whatever other type of time (god) there is.

One poor man’s: loved to be social, never met a stranger, always smiling and laughing.

– impossible

Another poor lady’s: enjoyed motorcycling, skiing, traveling, camping and boating in Puget Sound.

– she enjoyed all that only in Puget Sound? Or just the boating?

Lady: married a GM designer, raised her family, always involved with her church and in the community, excellent seamstress, creative and enthusiastic spirit.

– been a Ford guy myself (Hyundai and Toyota too), what is a seamstress in our day? Is it racist?

Lady: teacher at heart, loved volunteering in special education classes

– we can stop right there. This lady (or the writer) was a topper. How can I possibly compete with someone who loves working with specials?

Lady: (be sitting) married x in ‘68 and divorced in ‘99 and she remained single and happy until her passing, greatest love was her dogs, expert roller skater, fantastic seamstress, gifted mathematics student, donate her remains, and [she] would love it if you…

– was she not happy during the marriage? Or was she always happy, no matter her marital status? Dogs? No wonder she got dumped. I need specifics to further qualify skating ability claim, ie what age? What is a seamstress? We talking pre-Independence home-spun? She still getting kickbacks from body donation business? Why is that relevant? Lastly, do not, I mean never, talk to me like I am a child.

At Bedtime, You Gotta Be Smarter Than The Toddler!

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier.

The trick is having them lay in bed as soon as possible in the bedtime routine. That’s the trick.

I had been reading to them (the best possible thing imaginable). But we had been sitting on the floor together. Or almost together. Usually Bee-bop and Rock-steady would find their way around every corner of the room as if led by a bewitched divining rod while I read and beckoned them back to the fold. But the reading was happening and they even were memorizing the words in turns. So I was fine with it.

But then we would excitedly pray (Aaronic blessing from frame on the wall—“Favor, A-, not favorite”) and sing and then I would put them to bed. Finally, I have a little thing I say to them every night.

But if I left at this point, someone would get out of bed and the light would be on and playing would ensue.

Any parent knows this is enough to drive you crazy. Just GET IN BED!!

No more. Tonight I had a moment of clarity and put them in bed before the book. They both tried to sit up to see the pictures until…they got tired of maintaining that position. Then they laid until the page turn and then sat up and then laid down again after examining the picture.

Finally it was pray, say the thing, and then I sung any remaining pressing ideas to sleep.

Boom!

Lights out.

What an amazing dad I am. And not a moment too soon.

Scan and Go is for Walmart+ Only!!

Who would’ve thunk it?

But I can unhappily report that when at Walmart, and the lines are long—except green lit “Scan and Go” registers which are shockingly unused—the nothing-special-plain-language Walmart+ member’s only line is simply named “Scan and Go”. There is no plus (+) sign, no indication at all (unless emptiness counts) that anything special is required to check out at that register.

So don’t fall for the trap. Just let the open register remain empty. And then sit back and enjoy the show as everyone else gets stopped and redirected because, unlike us, they didn’t read my blog.