Some of you know I started a side-project blog with a singular goal. It didn’t pan out. I’m shutting it down today. I wasn’t going to mention it here again, but the experience really helped me in a specific way. The life lesson was kind of a nice end-cap to the year while the bigger paradigm shift is less than a month away.  And, as usual, I think by sharing my experience others might be able to learn from it too. Backstory in a nutshell is I hear about a female blogger here in Denver that dates a lot and never pays for the dinners. I tell her I’d like to date her, but we have to split the tabs. She balks. I create a blog to woo her. She still balks. I contemplate everything for quite a while until it happens–growth.

Dear C-,

A couple of things. First, I took a personality test once that revealed my personality falls under the larger category of “Guardian”. Ooo. Makes sense, what with serving in the Air Force and all. Second, I love The Matrix trilogy. Do you remember the second one? The scene with the architect and the word ergo? Neo has to choose between saving his one true love, Trinity, or the whole of Zion. It’s a bigger philosophical point, of course. Most of the time, in my life, I choose to defend Zion, the group. But defend is what I do in any case. Ergo, while I found your voice and personality on the radio that morning many weeks ago very appealing and believed this may mean you would like to play, I have since concluded that my intentions with creating this blog and writing you have not been pure.

You sound sharp. You write well. But I’ve realized that this whole thing (split tab condition/blog) was about defending men. It took many of my closest friends and family members telling me that I’m wasting my time to finally come to this conclusion. However, I should’ve known this just from the fact that I told many people that I thought what you were doing–getting so many free dinners–was criminal. And if in my little brain you’re the criminal, then it naturally follows that I think the men are the ones under attack and in need of protection. Rather than just say this outright (defend), I created a blog and attempted to stir your emotions (offend). That was wrong.

C-, I do think what you’re doing is hurtful. Date away, I say. Find your white knight. But don’t hurt the guys. You’re better than that. In any case, it seems an apology is in order. Here goes:

C-, on behalf of all men, I’d like to apologize for my actions. Your dating life is your dating life. I shouldn’t have treated it like a game. You’re a real woman, not a voice, not a picture. “Life is immense” (Legend of 1900). I hope you achieve the happiness that your writing indicates you desire.


PS – I’m not ducking you. You know where to find me.



  1. claireisinbetween

    You have a very strong voice. It feels as if you are sitting across a ways speaking to me. Not many people can weave words like that–it’s inherent in my opinion. And hey!–thanks for liking a post on my blog. Nice to know someone out there reads it.


  2. Pieces of Bipolar

    I find nothing wrong in what you did. So you performed an experiment of sorts, of wooing, dating, dining out and financial responsibilities. You did not receive the desired outcome, ergo said project was whittled down to a very successful growing curve. I’m reading and re-reading your post, but don’t understand why you feel you owe her an apology?


    • Pete Deakon

      I guess the apologetic feeling stems from the fact that I feel like I should’ve recognized that I wasn’t really trying to woo her. I thought she sounded cool, but really I was just upset that she didn’t see how she’s hurting these fellas. By making a big thing (creating a blog etc) I was attacking her rather than just speaking plainly. I don’t know. I just felt like I kind of intrigued her, but honestly (from what I could tell from her posts) we were not really compatible. (Yet I persisted…) Any clearer?


      Liked by 1 person

  3. crberve

    I found this idea and blog very intriguing. I’ve never considered wooing in such a way. Perhaps your blog will help other people taking advantage of social customs recognize what they are doing and change.


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