Tagged: advice

5 Course Corrections for Pro-Kirk Discussions/Reporting

I believe that it is exceedingly important to continually improve. Even and perhaps especially when the going is rough. That’s the reason for this post.

1. Until you saw the footage, you were safe to say he was shot and needs prayer. But once you saw the footage, it became very important to call it for what it was. He gave up the ghost on impact. We all saw it. Quit indirectly denying this. Your whole industry rests on the idea it is most important to be “first to report”, so don’t act like you wanted to wait to get the facts. You probably saw before us. He was gone immediately. Especially now that we all saw, adjust the description of what happened. Most importantly, please try to do better next time.

2. I fly sick or injured people around. They are lying there right next to me. When they have vomited (never due to my flying 😉) the backsplash has landed on my arm. Sad stuff. Do I get to cry while I do my job? No. Likewise, y’all need to stop the crying. Be a professional like me, or drop the act that you’re legitimate journalism.

3. There is a theme going around that Mr. Kirk was exemplary in his noble quest to have honest dialogue. That’s fine. But the adults in the room (aren’t you supposed to be one?) need to also say that Kirk brought talk to a gunfight. I don’t mean that we’re in a “hot war” or something. I don’t mean that he somehow caused anything. I mean that Tolstoy’s book title “War and Peace” is as simple as life gets. Life is continuously both. Don’t forget to highlight this truth. We all need to choose wisely and with the full knowledge that war is constant, just like peace. Will I send or support my kid going around the country on a public speaking tour on the topic of free speech? I’ll tell you the names of countries to where I wouldn’t send them to do it. And that there are these countries means that even you know that his choices weren’t as good as they could have been. There is a foolishness to them. Put short: noble does not encompass foolhardy. Remind us of this.

4. This brings me to another part of war talk that keeps sliding into the discussion. Pay attention all you civilian pukes. This is for you. Never submissively listen to a veteran describe that we’re in a war. Or that they know that war is coming soon. Certainly never act like veterans have some special insight or access to knowledge that leads to this conclusion. The veteran’s burden is that they can’t help but see that we’re in war. But we’re not. And more than that, us veterans need you non-veterans to call out what you see regarding how there is not a war. It is your own special burden. But it is real and you need to insist that the assassination doesn’t indicate that war is occurring or coming soon.

5. Finally, please, please, please stop believing that your words and reporting actually influences the longevity of your career/paycheck. No, ma’am. No, sir. You don’t actually help. We don’t actually care. In all likelihood, your profession is a detriment to people and society, vice. So just calm down and be yourself. We can tell when you apply pressure (for no reason) to yourself to react in a way which you think will boost ratings. It looks silly and unattractive. We watch or read because we’re bored and lack self-control. Not because we need you.

Another Conversational Strategy Tip For Utterly Silencing Flat Earth Lunatics

As I’ve mentioned, these guys bug me so much because they often are very similar to me in other ways—and yet the earth is a sphere.

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You: “Yeah, that’s bullshyat. Let’s back up a little bit. Can I ask you a simple question?”

(As most of the time all they do is interrupt and spew their dump truck evidence, with this move you’ll have them irresistibly tee’d up.)

FEL: “Sure.”

You: “Have you ever looked through a telescope at the night sky?”

(Crushing. On the off chance they have, simply continue with…)

You: “Would you mind taking the time to teach me how to distinguish planets from stars the next clear night? I don’t have a telescope, but surely you do. I am available any night.”

Because We’re Men

I don’t know what you call it. I’ve never heard a name for it. I think it’s exclusively a male thing, yet I can’t say I’ve ever asked a lady if she’s experienced it. With the advent of texting, however, this unnameable feeling previously limited to the physical realm has made its way to the digital world. And I don’t like it.

The fellas know what I’m talking about. There are moments in life. Maybe you’re standing in line together at the newest Expendables movie. Or maybe you’re both scanning the restaurant for hot-chicks-that-you-won’t-talk-to as you each reach for the salt. The setup isn’t really important. What’s important is the unexpected and new sensation on your hand. It’s heavy. It’s hairy. It’s rough. It’s another man’s hand. It’s your friend’s hand. Something about the moment causes the collision to continue until you make eye contact and only then do you both pull away. Of course the manly-man military/police/firefighter crowd, always looking to distinguish itself from its sissy-man peers, rejects this absolute refusal to touch and, usually, what starts as an inconsequential bumping of mitts becomes full-on hand-holding that is more often than not accompanied by a witty expression such as, “I don’t mind if you don’t mind.”

And I freely admit that this is a very funny moment, especially when it involves the uninitiated.

But as if texting isn’t difficult enough as is, we men are making it harder on ourselves these days. You know what I’m talking about. With women, we’re adding bogus punctuation and emoticons left and right to make sure we don’t come across as creepy or stalker or needy or rude or sexting or, well, you get the picture. 🙂 But this unnamable feeling that I get when I accidentally touch another man’s hand, well that’s the same feeling I get when I see a text from a buddy who has apparently forgotten that he’s texting a man. What is the deal with male-to-male exclamation points or smiley faces? It just feels wrong, doesn’t it? It’s weak. It’s creepy. It’s stalker-ish.

Take George and I for example. If I text something to George that is so sarcastic that he doesn’t think he gets the joke or my meaning, he simply responds like he should. He replies, “I don’t think I understand.” Because he’s a man. And then I re-attack with more consideration. Or I would maybe just reply “nm.” I might even just not reply. And yet we remain friends. I don’t think I ever have, but say I texted him something that sounded like I intended to sleep with him next time we met. Even then, he’d simply say, “Did you just ask if I would sleep with you?” Because he’s a man. Then in that situation, despite his dashing good looks and fit figure, which probably has epic stamina, I would reply, “No.” And that would be it. Because we’re men.

So fellas, please. Please pay attention from now on. When it’s me you’re texting, lose the gimmicks. Unlike the lady folk, our relationship is not dependent on proper text etiquette. Thank you.

That is all.