Complimenting Women And Why I Won’t Do It.

For a long time I worried that I hated women. As I’ve re-read many of my posts on the subject, I’ve concluded that I never actually hated women, I just fear them. Why do I fear women? Because they have a power over me that I don’t give to men. However, this power that they have isn’t merit based, unless being born is difficult, hence the fear. Allow me to explain.

Except for maybe TC, I have never looked at a man, no matter how attractive he was, and on the basis of his looks alone, thought, “I would like to be his friend.” With men, I size them up. What have they accomplished? What is their personality like? What obstacles have they overcome? What are their goals? And on and on.

But with women there is this very difficult to describe feeling that comes over me based simply on their appearance. You might call it an erection. If a woman appears a certain way, all the criteria I normally apply–all my choosiness–goes right out the window. And for what? The possibility of breeding?

How does my refusal to compliment women fit in? Yesterday’s examples of my icebreaker line stylings evoked several responses that suggested or made mention of the use of compliments as a means to advance my endeavor to meet women. Well, ladies, I won’t use them. And here’s why.

First, Groucho Marx said, “I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” Likewise, I don’t care to be with a woman whose heart flutters at a stranger’s compliment. I can’t think of anything more difficult than discerning the truth of a compliment. As a rule, then, if a stranger pays me one, I fight off every instinct to ask for another, politely accept it, and then immediately discard it. You should too.

Second, one commentor in particular (my mom) offered that my style of “line” signals that I’m only after one thing [punany] and that’s why they are falling flat. Is that a joke? We’re saying that clever attempts to make a woman laugh indicate that I only want sex more so than telling a woman she’s beautiful? Than making an assertion that I can’t possibly know to be accurate? Please. It’s more like I expect women who find themselves among big people to acknowledge that men don’t approach women whom they can’t imagine sleeping with in some scenario or other–and then get over that fact.

Third, while the historical record may lead you to believe that I’ll sleep with any woman who wants to sleep with me, I don’t really care to sleep with a woman that is not first my friend. And I have high standards for friends, especially regarding their ability to laugh at life. So I test women, not compliment them. If I say something so ridiculous that I think they should fall over laughing at the entirety of the scene, and instead they think I’m serious, then there is no way in hell we’re going to get along in this lifetime.

Lastly, in defense of myself, I am shocked at the comments which seemed to imply I was earnestly giving advice to the ladies I approached. Seriously? After everything I shared you thought I was concerned with helping the women? Sorry, but no. I care about making people laugh, not about how people exercise. That’s my favorite part about gyms. All of us can be the disasters we are and it has no effect on any of our results. By way of example, compare the folks in a gym, even the staff, to, say, an aircraft and its flight crew. People in a gym can be utterly wrong and misaligned and it doesn’t affect me in the least. More reps. Less reps. Half reps. Forearm exercises. Tweaked shoulders. Recent surgeries. Shirt-matching shoes. Butt-hiding shirts. Headbands. Wristbands. Earbuds. Dr. Dre’s headphones. Cardio then Costco. None of that has anything to do with whether I get results. Whatever your preference, just do it.

Let it be known, women. I am afraid of you. I am a lot of thrust just waiting for a vector. Yet, I’m certain that with the wrong one of you at my side, I might not recognize the fast rising earth soon enough to avoid disaster. So I’m not going to make this easy on you. Want a compliment? Impress me. To begin, I’d lighten up.

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16 comments

  1. insanitybytes22

    Well said. It’s kind of sad however, because what most women fear the most is being feared by men. Fear is worse then outright hatred. Many men don’t understand this or women either for that matter, but it’s true. We get very uncomfortable around men who are uncomfortable around us. That’s why women are left floundering around so hard trying to explain what is attractive in men and coming up with vague words like “confidence.” What we mean is men who are self assured and have no fear.

    I’m totally with you on the humor thing. Nothing worse than somebody who takes themselves too seriously. Testing women out? Sounds reasonable to me, that’s what women do to men too. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. iamaslutgirl

    Don’t feel bad about fearing women, because we have powerful pussies that can get men to do anything we want. We can rock a guy’s world, or bring it crumbling down. Some women know this, and others don’t. Likewise, some men know this, and accept it, and others are oblivious to these facts. A stiff dick has no conscience, and it’s also powerless where a pussy is in control.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Trish

    Personally, I would much rather have a man engage my mind and my sense of humor as an affort to build a friendship that may develop into more….the ‘you are beautiful’ stuff can come as things develop towards a romantic relationship. The best women out there are the ones who aren’t just searching for affirmation that they are ‘pretty’…but, then I am pretty much a science nerd so I’m not sure how much my opinion counts. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. H.M. Nolan

    nice post. I may be alone on this but I get rather uncomfortable when a man I just met gives me a compliment on my looks. I’m sure what he’s thinking is ‘if I make her feel good about herself she’ll like me more.’ And yes that can work. Most people love compliments, but its a shallow one. My immediate thought is looks mean way too much to him. It’s something I have only a little control over and cannot keep forever. The older I get the more I feel this way. Any man that can make me laugh is going to gain immediate points. Am I going to think he wants to sleep with me? Probably, I may just be thinking the same thing about him…except I’m thinking further down the line. Not tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. noelleg44

    Another interesting self revelatory post, Pete. You are one complex guy, but honest about yourself (no, this is not a compliment, just an apparent fact) and you hit the nail on the head: “I don’t really care to sleep with a woman that is not first my friend.” I’d like to think most women think that way, too, with their heads and not their vaginas. Although I’ve been out of the dating game for a while, it always seems to me that men’s brains tend to travel to their penis when it came to women. Some friends of mine even had a little signal we made to each other when we ran across this phenomenon. As a woman, I like compliments – but only when I feel they are reasonable and truly meant. More important is intelligence and a great sense of humor. I do love a good laugh. Keep looking, you’ll find the right one…don’t be afraid of us, we come in peace!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A_Female

    Having said the above: I fear men too, so I understand where you’re coming from.
    I don’t want compliments until I know I’ve connected with a fella. Once there’s a mutual appreciation developed, I will compliment and hope for reciprocation. Pretty simple, really… I think? Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lucy Furr

    You can be a funny guy but I failed to see the humor in your pick up lines at the gym. Having said that, you’re quite correct: You do need a woman who connects with your brand of humor.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. thatjenn

    Yes, yes. Fear us! (Or not.) Interesting post! It’s intriguing to know how the other half thinks. Of course, I’m of the camp that compliments don’t mean a thing unless it’s from someone I trust.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Incidental Scribe

    I hate being complimented especially as a pick up line. I prefer witty intelligent conversation. It is hard to find a way in today’s world to start that conversation without creeping out your target. Sadly with the Internet the old ways of dating have kinda died.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Random Musings and Wanderlust

    I have an irrational fear of compliments! I actually feel that a majority of them have a hidden agenda, so I would rather connect with a man on a more personal level, intelligent conversation etc. rather than…hey baby your beautiful wanna grab a drink. Tell me I’m cute, ok, but don’t lay it on that thick! I’m going to automatically think you’re just looking for the punany, as your mom says. But I admit, those comments come from the seedy underground of online dating. I have never had a man approach me cold turkey and said the same things they do online. ~Paula

    Liked by 2 people

  11. richardrensberry

    We’re from different worlds. I love women. They are very interesting and it appears that your fear is stopping your perceptions from observing the obvious. I’d be more insouciant, meet many and drop the expectations. Allow yourself to be surprised with what each individual has to offer. They are really wonderful to be around, they aren’t all man-eaters.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. quiltjunkie

    Interesting post Pete! I personally like your thinking on compliments. I’m always wary of strangers who offer up compliments from the get-go. If it’s about my appearance I figure they’re after one thing … if it’s about anything else I wonder where they’re coming from. They don’t know me. They’re leaping to conclusions. I’m not flattered – I’m immediately suspicious, wondering what it is they want. You’ll find those who appreciate your sense of humor – just stay true to yourself and be kind.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. pbomar1115

    Pete, your blogs are thought-provoking. It brings out the views I never even thought about coming from women. And I must say the views are the ones I trust. I think it’s because you write honestly and respectfully.

    Liked by 1 person

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