Bachelors

Have I told you much about Greeny? The following paints as accurate a picture of this war hero as any, I suppose.

Taking off his skis Saturday afternoon, he stops and says, “I just learned something about myself. See that woman over there? I watched her come down the mountain on tele’s and thought, ‘You know. I could marry her.'”

“Wow, man. Pretty deep,” my brother and I’s wide-eyed response.

“No, you don’t understand. You know what my girlfriend said to me the other day? She said, ‘It’s cold out here.’ I couldn’t believe it. It was like 60 degrees. I told her, ‘You can say, ‘I’m cold.’ But you can’t say ‘It’s cold.’ You can’t say it because it is not true.”

He always has been a stickler for the truth.

What I really want to share though is what happened at the club Saturday night. The seven of us in the bachelor party play pool for a few hours until most are losing interest and ready to head back to the condo. I convince Greeny to hang out a bit longer, because, well, we’re good friends and you never know when some new war will break out etc, etc. It was about midnight, and we had had enough to drink that I finally suggest we tempt fate on the dance floor where there are probably eight ladies and only one dude. (Focus on the decent odds, not the lame club.)

The entire floor cleared when we walked onto it.

I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt my body move more from laughter fits than any attempt to bust a move. Greeny was more still. He gets this look. The wheels are clearly turning behind his thousand yard stare, but from experience I assure you not necessarily very fast. He scans the room one last time and then reports, “Pete. If you and I are in any other country in the world and walk onto a dance floor, the women would leave their seats to join us. Here, they return to them.”

Now, ladies, I know what you’re thinking.

Wait. No, no I don’t. Never have. Same for Greeny.

Um…help?

28 comments

    • jaslynhughes

      Have you ever read the book “He’s just not that into you”? Well my dear I can guarantee you there’s a “She’s just not that into you” to go with that.

      If say, I was single and I saw you watching me and thought you were a bit of alright and wanted to dance with you, I would stay on the dance floor. Leaving means, I’m just not that into you.

      Hope that wasn’t too harsh, happy to answer other questions if you have them 😀

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  3. tripleclicka

    What I’m thinking right now? “Oh you poor pathetic man…” You really want help? Here it is. The floor cleared because you went on to the dance floor for the wrong reason, therefore the wrong attitude, which any woman can clearly see. Next time, go out on the dance floor because you want to dance, because you like the music, regardless of the women. If they walk away, just do what you went to do. If you dance, they will come! I promise!!! (Are you done with your next book yet?)

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    • Pete Deakon

      I guess I wasn’t so clear here. Ask Greeny. I said to him, “Hey bud. We have never danced together (at the same time) and I think it would be fun, like to just let loose and not be so intense like we always are.” There was no ill intention. I’m not a one night stand, looking to get some strange, type of guy. Promise. Like I said to Sam, the point I was trying to get help with was why do American women not react to American men the same as foreign women?

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  4. Jim Maher

    It often feels like North Americans, for better or worse, have the ‘end result’ in mind. In a lot of other places, the end result is a factor, but a lot of them are just dancing to have fun dancing.

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    • Pete Deakon

      Hey Jim,

      I’m not buying it. 🙂 Only thing that I can figure is Greeny and I have an intensity that is off-putting to young women because they aren’t ready to stop having fun. But like I said, I am not confident in my understanding of the situation. All I know is that when I was younger, people asked me to dance and I refused based on incompetence and insecurity. Now I am finally willing to try and enjoy it just for enjoyment’s sake and folks run. lol

      Pete

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  5. shelldab

    While us women, I’m sure from any country, are quite inexplicable, the reason they “ran” might be as simple as they didn’t like the song or they needed a break. It might not have been you at all 🙂 Just a thought. Dance on!

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  6. EDW

    People like what’s foreign. In most countries, Americans still have a certain cache. Plus, depending on the economic status of that country, the women may assume that American man = $.

    The converse is also true. American women like foreign guys. Next time you go out with your bros, adopt a fake accent for the night and dress really well. Smoke Gauloises.

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  8. Kate

    This is hilarious. I wish I could have been there–a fly on the wall. Definitely enjoyed this and had to comment (since I’m actually reading it on my computer for once).

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