Last Night.

I could see them clear as day, but it wasn’t his eyes.  It wasn’t one feature.  While menacing, his eyes weren’t what caused me to not look to my right.  Or to my left.  Or down the ladder.  Or in my child’s room.  His eyes weren’t what caused me to turn on the lights in the bathroom, which I never did at this early hour.

The thing you must fully internalize about my relation to my family members is that I have worn them down over the years.  They used to put up a fight, but beginning as early as high school, their resolve weakened.

“Sure.  Whatever you say.  Can we just not argue about it?” had become their standard response.

On this night, I wanted to play with the Ouiji Board.  That’s not quite true.  I could care less about the Ouiji Board, it’s foolish.  What I wanted was to make my mom, dad, older sister and younger brother uncomfortable.  I wanted to see them squirm.

My brother had that same bone in his body, so we went first.  The joy of playing a Ouiji Board with others comes from the fact that everyone wants to believe that you’re telling the truth when you convincingly declare that you’re not moving the planchette.

“Oh, come on.  I saw your fingers extend!” could be heard from the peanut gallery.

“I swear I did not move it!” I responded.  “What you saw was me trying to not break contact with it.  It’s the difference between action and reaction.”

“Fine,” my sister conceded with a voice that betrayed her hope I was telling the truth.

Upon turning down the lights in the basement, the general mood in the room began to shift in my favor.  My brother and I made sure that we offered no more than a good tease.  Soon my sister wanted a turn.

I didn’t lose ground, but I didn’t gain much either.  As a neutral participant, she proved a difficult partner.  She lacked the intention of causing our parents fright, but her skepticism wasn’t perfect either.

My mom, never one to turn down a challenge, now wanted a turn.  Despite bringing me in to this world, she had a capacity to revert to childlike wonder in a moment.  I was in full control now.  We asked our questions, the board answered them.  My brother even flashed me a questioning look as if to ask, “You’re still just playing with us, right?”

My lying eyes bedded down his fear.  My own fear, on the other hand was growing.

The truth was, I was no longer controlling the game.  When I am afraid I usually want to cry.  Right then, I had to muster all my energy to not begin to cry.  Out of nowhere, a remarkable thought came to me, “Is my mom cool enough to turn the tables and fool me?”

I wanted the answer to be true.  The thought was at least intriguing enough to hold back my tears.  But there was still one more player.

You must understand that my father was literally an altar boy as a child.  Only people who have a first-degree connection to an altar boy can really understand what this means.  No matter what books he’s read, no matter what life experiences he’s had, no matter how hard he may try to convince you otherwise, he is a believer through and through.  And believers don’t fuck with evil.  Suffice it to say, he didn’t want to play.

Fear became an ancient memory; I couldn’t even remember tears as my resolve to accomplish my mission was renewed.

“Dad.  For real.  It’s just a game.  What are you afraid of?  If you really get scared…I don’t know… just call on Jesus to help you.  Isn’t he supposed to rush down in your defense?”

I could tell that I pushed just hard enough, so I stopped.  Just because he was a believer, didn’t mean he wasn’t still a man.

Mano y Mano.  Father v. Son.  I couldn’t help but feel pride.  Yet again, I got everyone to do what they didn’t want to do.  I had wore them down.  They were so weak.  Discreetly, as the board spoke to us, I gave my brother a quick smile which he replied in kind.

It was a singular feeling.  A light pressure against my fingertips.  I figured my dad must be moving it towards me.  I released any tension in my fingers.  The feeling did not go away.  The planchette would not release my fingers any more than the board would release the planchette.  My brother’s expression released my tears.  My dad’s terrifying scream is what woke me.

Awake, I did not want to open my eyes.  Exhilarated, I had to.  Moments like these did not give themselves to me very often.  Moments where I was awake only in the strictest medical sense.  Darkness and fear still remained.  A chance to test my manhood.  Laying motionless, I hoped to ally the windows dim predawn light to my purpose.  I turned my head to the right and opened my eyes.  Shuddering with fear, I saw him beside me.

“This can’t be,” I thought.

Hoping that evil can only see motion, I laid perfectly still except for my widening eyes.  Finally more light.  Looking back now, I can’t blame the stuffed pink penguin my daughter had left in the bed yesterday morning for shedding a tear.  I doubt poor Pingu had ever imagined the depth to which a man’s vocabulary would dive upon realizing he’s a fool.

How To Do The Inconceivable.

(If you’re short on time, skip to the bottom for numbered instructions.)

Because it is time, that’s why.  Someone needs to grab the bull by the horns and reveal the secret to accomplishing anything.  The following few paragraphs are going to give you the tips you need to do anything you can conceive.

In the recent Tom Cruise movie Oblivion, T.C. and his female counterpart are two-weeks away from completing their mission on the ‘remote site’ that is Planet Earth.  After the two weeks, they will return to the new human settlement with those who survived the war.  Granted, the work they were doing was not in itself particularly difficult or boring.  Loneliness seemed to be the biggest negative.  And the dream of how life would be like in two weeks’ time kept them going.

How many of us ever thought we’d spend as much time and energy as we have to accomplish so little?  How did we do it?  Where did we get the strength from?  Were we born with it?  Even if we were born with it, we must fight the desire to victimize ourselves.  Instead, as a group we need to accept total responsibility for our lives.

Where did the strength to put up with a life we never conceived come from?  The strength came from believing a lie.  The lie that there will be more time in the future.  Break down the concept of the future a little and you’ll see why this is a lie.  The future has not happened.  The present is happening.  The future “is not”.  The present “is”.  What do you gain if when you trade what “is” for what “is not”?

The future will never be.  Can you understand this?  The future will never “exist.”  It will never “be.”  That’s it’s definition.  If you believe that the future is something that “will be”, then you’re no longer describing the same abstract idea that’s being discussed here, and is commonly labeled “the future.”  There is no catching-up.  There is no getting ahead.  These are impossibilities.

I have been nearly exclusively reading the classics for almost a decade now, and a common theme is best summed up by Jon J. Muth in his children’s book, “The Three Questions”, based on Leo Tolstoy’s ideas.  “Remember then that there is only one important time, and that time is now.  The most important one is always the one you are with.  And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side.  For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world.”

The choice is always yours.  If you want to do the inconceivable follow the instructions below.  If you want to exist in reality, stick with living in the present.

Instructions for How to Do The Inconceivable:

Step 1 – Believe that after you’ve accomplished it, you’ll have time to do what you really want.

Step 2 – Understand that there is only one step.

How To Philosophize

I recently took an undergraduate philosophy course for pay.  (Highly recommended if you get the chance.)  Martin Heidegger was the thinker we studied the most.  That man knew how to philosophize.  The professor had us read Heidegger’s, “Phenomenological Interpretations with Respect to Aristotle: Indication of the Hermeneutical Situation.”  Quite the title, no?  Apparently, this paper put him on the map.

It is extremely difficult to read.  Supposedly this was purposeful.  It seems Heidegger’s intent in everything he did was to get people to live in the moment.  He wrote with such depth and complexity that his readers can’t be thinking about something else and understand what he was trying to communicate.

So what made this paper so important?  In it, Heidegger argues that the time has come for someone (himself in this case) to remind humanity that no matter how smart we think we are, we don’t actually want to find answers to our questions.  We don’t actually want the ‘seeking for truth’ to conclude.  As in, we think we do, but that’s only because we have a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to be human.

That might not sound radical upon first reading.  Think about it this way.  There are several problem-solving techniques.  One in particular has six steps.  1.  Recognize the problem.  2. Gather the data.  3. List the possible solutions.  4. Test the possible solutions.  5.  Select a solution.  6.  Implement the solution.  Heidegger was given a place at the table because he convincingly argued that life is always and only about step one, or recognizing the problem.  He wrote this while other great thinkers of his day (and today) made arguments regarding how to perform step six, the final step.  “Implement the solution.”

There are some thinkers today who concern themselves with prescriptive philosophy.  They recommend things like censoring children from religion because research shows that once people internalize the scientific method they don’t return to their childhood faith.  In his paper, Heidegger questions this whole concept.  He basically argues that the idea of doing everything according to a logical system which centers around adding longevity to our lives is an escape.  We shouldn’t be trying to build Utopia.  I take his writing to argue that this Utopia some seem to be striving to create would rob life of meaning.  What is more important, more difficult, and more worthy is continually defining our existence.  Why do we want to live forever?  What is appealing about world peace?  What does a world of well-fed people actually look like?  This is because no matter what answers the past has given us, the very nature of the questions demand continual asking.  For all I know, the Greek philosophers didn’t even exist.  What do I care what their answers were?

Thousands of years into our existence one man was still able to gain notoriety by simply reminding us that the fun part of living, or what might be more easily understood as the ‘being’ part of human being, is step one.  That is, recognizing the problem.  And that’s how to philosophize.

A Fine Morning Indeed!

Barefoot, I journey from my bed to the cabinet containing store brand one-minute oatmeal.  Still groggy, I see two silos before me.  One nearing empty, the other ready to tag in at a moments notice.  Will I get it right?  Noticing slight wear, I reach for the one on the right.  I am so good.  The moment doesn’t last, as I notice something sticking to my feet.  I don’t want to know.  Wiping them off on my ribbed bamboo kitchen mat, I continue preparing the meal.  Again, my feet feel soiled.  I cannot ignore it anymore.  I must vacuum.  Upon placing the container on the counter, tip-toeing, I make my way to the three-season room where I keep her.

Oh the joy.  I have an Oreck, see.  So slender.  Such a durable tangle-free chord.  And light as a feather.  Not that it matters; I’m a man.  I’m strong.  I grasp the sublimely coiled chord draped studiously from only the top hook, and in one motion the vacuum is connected to an energy source.  Pausing, I’m compelled to note that even the plug seems purposefully designed.  Like every time before, as if alive, the wide prong seeks its way to the left eye of the shocked face that personifies the outlet.

Decision time.  This is what I live for.  Rotating brush on or off?  Fantasizing about surprise victory over stubborn debris that suction alone won’t pick up, I let the brush slumber a little longer.

It is smooth going at first.  Plasticky popping sounds proclaim progress.  Despite the apparently recent remodel of the kitchen, the lower cabinets hang just low enough to be a stumbling block.  Good thing I have the edge cleaner.  Horse-hair edge cleaner.  I’d have it no other way.  Is it going to be enough…?  YES!  “Got ya!,” I exclaim.

Speaking of the bamboo mat, it looks clean, but curiosity and a sordid past get the better of me.  Let’s see what 102mph of suction can find.  Snap, crackle, pop!  No it’s not the hatted Rice Krispie gang.  Instead, it is the sound of a growing fondness for such an amazing partner in life.  Having returned to a state of strong purity as only bamboo can, I purposely locate myself on the mat as I direct my attention towards the last of the dried food.  As I revel in the success of the chore, the clean mat warms to the temperature of a mom’s loving embrace.

“Well done son.”

If Movies Could Speak – A Letter

Dear Spoiler Alert,

As you know, it has been a while since I’ve written you.  No, this isn’t a dream.  Please try to pay attention.  I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship.  No, I’m not actually your child.  I know it is difficult for you but can you be patient and hear me out?  There’s something I need to tell you.  No, I’m not pregnant with a demon.  It’s about us.  Well, actually it’s about you.  No, you’re not dead.  Come to think of it, I don’t know where to begin.  No, the end is not the best place.  Do you remember growing up?  No, I’m not here to tell you your parents were actors.  Do you remember your first Christmas?  No, there’s no change, Santa Claus is still a fantasy.

Writing this letter is proving more difficult than I imagined.  No, I’m not writing from prison.  I think there is something wrong with you.  No, you’re not an android.  You see, when we were young…  No, you were not abducted by aliens.  When we were young, there was a time when you used to let me experience life for myself.  No, I’m not breaking up with you.  Please just continue reading.  Life used to be so full of wonder.  No, we are not about to be overrun by zombies.  I used to laugh, get scared, and generally love my life.  No, you can’t have my bike; this isn’t a suicide letter.

One day something changed.  No, we still haven’t found life on other planets.  I don’t remember the specifics.  No, I did not just awake from a frozen sleep.  I can remember a time though, when a pretty girl gave you extra attention because you knew something before everyone else.  No, I’m not that girl’s daughter.  Please keep reading.  I have a little more I want to say.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve all ruined the end of a movie for someone else, at least accidentally.  No, they didn’t send me to bring you in for a lobotomy.  But with you it was different.  You never apologized.  You never changed.  From that first time until now, you have been making life miserable for me.  No, you didn’t infect me with the rage virus.  Please just try to continue reading.  Because of you I am unable to add enjoyment to life.  Because of you I am unable to capitalize on life’s unpredictability.  I don’t want to know what happens at the end.  Can you understand that?  Life isn’t about being the first to know what happens next.  It is about spending time with people.  Experiencing things together.  No, I haven’t met someone else.

You need to know that there is no end.  Do you understand?  No, that’s not because our energy continually passes on to other beings.  I mean to say that I think you should try living in the moment.  There is no big reward for sharing what happens at the end.  When I know the ending ahead of time, it doesn’t add value.  Really, it only highlights your personality’s flawed nature.  No, you don’t suffer from multiple-personality disorder.  Ugh, I give up.  No, this isn’t where I reveal that I’ve always been the bad guy.  Is there nothing I can say to get to you change?  Is there anyone you’ll listen to?  No, this isn’t an intervention.

I hope you understand I had to try.  I guess you always knew how this would end.

Your Good Friend,

Motion Pictures

.

T.C. – Top Dream Crusher

He was Top Cadet, Top Friend, Top Suburban Son, Top Forrest Boy, Top Gun, Top Bartender, Top Brother, Top Veteran, Top Car, Top Immigrant, Top Lawyer, Top Informant, Top Vampire, Top Spy, Top Spy 2, Top Spy 3, Top Spy 4, Top Spy with a Sense of Humor, Top Sports Agent, Top Freak, Top Motivational Speaker, Top Crazy Man, Top Future Cop, Top Samurai, Top Hit Man, Top Normal Guy, Top Politician, Top Director, Top Nazi Traitor, Top Rock Star, Top Ex-Cop, and most recently Top Astronaut.  I can be talking about none other than the Top Actor of the World, Tom – T.C. to me – Cruise!

Just the facts:  I saw Top Gun when I was 8 and went on to become a military pilot.  My first anniversary out of the military occurred last year, and I figured it would be a good time to watch the movie again.  It had been about 7 years since I last saw it.  So much had happened in my time in the military that I was curious what I would think as I watched it again.  You know what?  As the movie ended, I felt like I was 8 again.  I thought to myself, “Man, I can’t wait to grow-up so I can be a military pilot.”  Then I realized, “Wait a minute, I’ve already done that!”

The moment that followed was singular.  I realized that I don’t think I ever actually wanted to be a military pilot.  I realized that all these years I actually wanted to be Tom Cruise.  Or at least like him, Top Actor.

This thought terrified me.  You see, recently I joined a Toastmasters public speaking club.  Toastmasters is an organization that pushes people to follow their dreams.  The club I am a part of is no different.  Besides being overly encouraging, they are time keepers.  If you tell them your goal, they will help keep you accountable.  I knew that if I told any of them that I wanted to be Top Actor, they would literally start encouraging me to follow my dream to Hollywood.

Thus, I was faced with a dilemma.  I joined Toastmasters to challenge myself.  This was the perfect topic for a speech.  However, there was no way I could share this dream of mine with this particular group of people.

Then it hit me!  What if I just told them the truth?

Of all the people who make excuses for not following their dreams, I think I have the best excuse ever.  I thought that maybe I could convince them that some people just shouldn’t follow their dreams.  And I was one of those people.

Think about it.  As a pilot, I spent 8 years perfecting my radio-call voice.  You know what I’m talking about.  The very monotone, betraying no emotion, professional way of speaking.  Besides being monotone, a radio-call is also a strictly formatted four-part way of communicating.  There is not much room for deviation from the monotone four-part format.

My thesis:  I argue that even Tom Cruise himself couldn’t become Top Actor if, like me, he had to overcome 8 years of speaking in a radio-call voice and format.

And I can prove it.  In order to do so, I need to take you through a few examples of how his movies would’ve sounded if he made them in a monotone, four-part radio call format.

To begin, allow me to take you back to the living room at the end of Top Sports Agent.  In the movie he says, “…We live in a cynical world.  A cynical world.  And we work in a business of tough competitors.  I love you.  You… complete me.”  To which Dorothy interrupts, “Shut up.  (Sniff)  Just shut up.  You had me at hello.”  Pretty powerful stuff, no?  Well, let’s see what that would look like if a T.C. would’ve had my restrictions.  Here goes.

*Pshh*  Ahh Dorothy…This is Jerry…I’m standing in your living room and ahhh…We live in a cynical world.  BREAK *Pshh* … *Pshh*  …A cynical world.  And we work in a business of tough competitors.  BREAK *Pshh* … *Pshh*  …Ahhh…I love you.  You complete me. *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Jerry…Dorothy here…Standing in the same room…Shut up.  Just shut up.  You had me at hello.  *Pshh*

I mean come on!  There is NO WAY anyone would have identified with those characters or that sentiment.

I can hear some of you already.  You’re saying, “Hey, wait a minute.  You picked an easy one, a chick flick.  I bet some of his other movies would have sounded alright.”  Okay, I’ll take that bet.  And I’ll raise you.  Let’s jump right to a military movie.  Top Lawyer.  You remember it.  Lt. Caffy thundering away while leading Colonel Nathan R. Jessup expertly toward admitting he ordered the CODE RED.  Let’s pick it up with Colonel Jessup.  He asks, “You want answers?”  Lt. Caffy replies, “I think I’m entitled them.”  “Yawan’answers!”  “I want the TRUTH!”  “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!..”   And then the great speech about walls begins.  Now, here’s how the scene would have played out if T.C. was a pilot.

*Pshh*  Ahh Lt. Caffy…Colonel Jessup here…sitting in the witness stand…Do you want answers?  *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Colonel Jessup…Lt. Caffy speaking…I’m at your 11…I think I’m entitled them.  *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Lt. Caffy…Colonel Jessup again…still in the witness stand…Do you want answers?  *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Colonel Jessup…Lt. Caffy here…I’ve haven’t moved…I want the truth.  *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Lt. Caffy…Colonel Jessup here…once again from the witness stand…You can’t handle the truth.  *Pshh*

See?  No drama.  It would have been annoying.  No one would have told their friends to go see Top Lawyer.

At this point, I think I’ve done enough to prove I’m right; and I should not follow my dreams.  In all fairness, though, we need to come full-circle.  Some of you are thinking, “Well, he seems to have a good point.  Maybe he couldn’t become Top Actor.  …Except that Top Gun is the movie that really put T.C. on the map, and in it he made radio-calls.  So, no, I won’t let him off the hook, his theory is destroyed by Top Gun.”  I respond, “Is it?”  Do you really believe that the radio calls are what made that movie?  We all know what made that movie and transformed Tom Cruise from Top Forrest Boy into Top Actor.  The bar scene.  “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your li-i-ips.”  Goose takes over, “There’s no tenderness like before in your feeengerrti-i-ips.”  Back to TC, “You’re trying hard not to show it…”  Entire bar.  (It’s appropriate to join in wherever you are right now, too.)  “BAYYY-BEE!”  “But baby!  Believe me, I knoooow i-it…”  And on and on.  A scene like that spawns a career.  Here’s how it would look radio-call style.

*Pshh*  Ahh Pretty blonde woman…Maverick here…at your six…you never close your eyes anymore… BREAK  *Pshh* … *Pshh* …when I kiss your lips.  *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Blondie…Goose speaking…at your eleven…There’s no tenderness like before…BREAK  *Pshh* … *Pshh* …In your fingertips. *Pshh*

*Pshh*  Ahh Blonde woman… Maverick again…I’m the one at your 12 o’clock…You’re trying hard not to show it…BREAK  *Pshh* … *Pshh*  …baby. BREAK *Pshh* … *Pshh*  …But baby, believe me I know it.  *Pshh*

Whew!  Need I say more?  Need-I-Say-More?  Terrible.  I’m bored writing this.  “Tom who?”  That’s what you would say to me if he had made his movies the way I have had to speak for the last 8 years.

There you have it, proof positive that some people shouldn’t follow their dreams.  I am one of those people.  Are you?  Are you you holding on to any dreams that need to be given up?  I find my answers in the movies.  Maybe you will to.  It’s like in the movie Lion King when Rafiki tells adult Simba that to discover his destiny he needs to, “Look hahhhder.”

Break the Rule, But Don’t Give Up

“We can’t break the rules!  They keep us alive!”

(Deep breath.)  “Calm down.  What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the MASTER WARNING light we just saw informing us that the tail-rotor gearbox has pieces of metal floating around in the oil.  That means the tail-rotor could be coming apart and seize at any moment.  We need that tail-rotor!  The aircraft manual says we must ‘Land as soon as Possible,’ which means the first available area.  We are flying over available areas.  We should land!”

(Another deep breath.  He’s young, don’t mess up this teachable moment.)  “Look, we were just performing some maneuvers which reduced the g-forces on the aircraft.  Chances are there were already some ferrous pieces of metal lying on the bottom of the gearbox.  When we performed the ‘bunt’ the lowered gravity probably caused those pieces to float up.  The magnet grabbed them resulting in the MASTER WARNING light.  We are over the beach.  I do not believe we need to land on the beach and incur a logistical nightmare to confirm that the gearbox isn’t disintegrating.  I am going to fly to the nearest runway and land there.”

“But…”

(Okay, now’s the time to make it clear the decision has been made.)  “No ‘but’.  Here’s the thing: If at any point there is even a hint of any sort of problem, we will land at the first available area.  That’s the plan you need to hold me to.  Anything else, even bad weather, and we’re heading to the ground.  Deal?”

“Okay.  I can agree to that.  Let’s just hurry up and get there.”

Today, I still question if I made the right decision.  I know that dying because I didn’t want to inconvenience some tourists and mechanics, let alone embarrass myself, wouldn’t have been smart.  Just the same, I did not believe the tail-rotor gearbox actually had a problem.  We had all had metal ‘chip detector’ lights illuminate before.  There were so many false alarms in fact, that it was difficult to ever believe that there was a problem.  Just the same, the book said we should have landed, so we should have landed.

Then again, I am living proof that we didn’t need to land.  We weren’t actually in danger.  How did I know?  Where did I get the confidence from to break the rules?  I got it from listening to the old pilots.  As you get older as a pilot, you learn that rules will need to be broken.  Policies will need to be ignored.  There is just no way that policies and rules can be written for every conceivable situation.

The important thing when breaking rules is to set new rules.  When breaking rules, don’t go totally freestyle.  Just because you need to break a rule, doesn’t mean that you no longer believe in the value of rules.  Naturally, pilots developed a five step process to follow when breaking rules.

Step 1.  Get Feedback.  Maybe someone else has been in a similar situation.  Maybe not.  The important thing is to ask.

Step 2.  Make a decision.  In the above scenario, I decided to fly to the closest runway.

Step 3.  Plan carefully.  While we were discussing the merits of this decision, we were navigating to the nearest runway, coordinating our new flight plan with air traffic control, and ensuring we had enough fuel to execute the plan.

Step 4.  Set limits.  Breaking rules isn’t what kills pilots.  Continuing to break the rules is what kills pilots.  Break a rule, but always set a limit to the new rule.  If you find yourself bumping up against the new limit, time to really get conservative and land.

Step 5.  (Most important)  Brief the plan.  We don’t live in a void.  Other people help keep us accountable.  If we don’t tell others what the plan is, no one will be able to help us stick to it.  In the above example, I set the new limit very conservatively to show the rest of the crew that while I didn’t believe we were in any danger, I took the situation very seriously.  When they heard that one random light bulb burning out, or one reported thunderstorm in the area would convince me to land, they bought into my decision.  A great instructor taught me that three little problems, no matter how unrelated, equal one big problem.  Big problems should be handled on the ground.  Therefore, make the conservative decision and land the aircraft.

As should be expected by now, these five steps transfer perfectly to life as well.  Life has no comprehensive rule book.  Just the same, there are codes of behavior that should generally be adhered to.

For example, let’s say you’re one of the lucky few to have never had revolving credit card debt.  One day life finally happens to you in such a way that you need to leave $100 on your card.  What should you do?  Only you will know the truth of the situation, but chances are you need to break your rule.  So break it.  Just don’t forget that there is a force, where it gets it’s strength we’ll never know, which tempts you to give up the good fight.  You’ll find yourself needing more and more things you can’t actually afford.

To avoid the credit pitfall, act like a pilot.  Ask for feedback, make a decision, plan carefully, set limits, and tell someone the new plan.

Don’t give up on rules, just because you’ve had to break some.  I’m counting on your being there for me in the future.

I Need You To Pay Attention

Monochromatic green.  That’s the color of Iraq.  All the cities we ever flew around appeared as varying shades of green.  Despite several flights per week around the country, I can’t even say that I ever actually saw Iraq with my own two eyes.  Instead, it seemed like I was in a helicopter watching a movie about flying around Iraq.

Viewed through night vision goggles, all light appears white; to include shooting stars.  There we so many shooting stars.  Here’s a tip for any aspiring military pilots:  When executing combat missions under the cover of darkness, don’t talk about how many shooting stars you see.  Other crew members simply won’t appreciate the beauty inherent to these singular events.  Apparently, looking in the direction of possible threats has more value.

Why was I noticing shooting stars?  Because they’re attention-getting.  They are a bright light, the essence of ‘visibility’ itself, streaking across an otherwise dark sky.  My crew’s point was well taken though; “Pay attention to what needs attention.”

Outside the cockpit, distractions abound.  When flying, when living one of these ‘mini-lifetimes’, it is easy to categorize things as distractions.  During a flight the timeline is set; the end is literally hours away.  Think about what a distraction even is.  Fundamentally it begs for something to be distracted from.  There must be a goal, a reason.  When flying, the mission, the intent, the goal; all these are clear.  Mankind doesn’t take to flight on a whim.  Or maybe it is a whim, but even flying for enjoyment is still a goal whose attainment distractions can prevent.  Crashing and dying is not enjoyable.

Regular grounded life, on the other hand, does not have a set timeline.  The end is nowhere in sight.  But, just like flying, life has responsibilities that must receive attention.  Does life have events like shooting stars that are distracting?  Certainly.  Should life’s shooting stars be viewed at the risk of failing to attend to the bigger responsibilities?  No.  Like I had to learn to stop noticing the seemingly unavoidable shooting star, all of us could stand to stop giving attention to life’s many distractions.

Attention is a function of time.  It is a scarce resource.  Pilots learn this the hard way.  We call it channelized attention.  Channelized attention is when we focus too much attention on something insignificant, such as a burnt out light bulb, instead of the significant gauge that tells us we’re descending into terrain.  Channelized attention’s effect on grounded people may take longer, but let’s not kid ourselves about its strength.

Each of us must decide how long we will focus on life’s burnt out light bulbs while the aircraft is descending.  The difficulty is, unlike large flying organizations which have an overall mission from which they delegate to pilots smaller missions, life does not have a universal mission.  Each one of us must decide our purpose.  Only you will ever know yours.  But you do know.  You’ve always known.  It’s time then.  Pay attention.  I can’t afford for you not to.

Tabula Rasa. It’s like the movie…

A movie is a story.  A story has purpose.  Fundamentally, a story is an interpretation of an event.  The study of philosophy is the study of how we interpret life.  (Hear the next sentence in the voice of the Architect from Matrix 2).  Ergo, a movie is philosophy.  With me?  Moving on.

My love for movies is a disease.  Say nearly anything to me and my next few words will likely be, “It’s like the movie…”  I’m actually very embarrassed by this when I meet new people these days.  (Obviously everyone else is just so busy and mature they have no time for fun…)  Lately though, I’ve decided to own it.  The following is an explanation of my decision.

People always ask me how I do it.  “For the love, Pete!  How do you remember so many movie quotes?”  Actually, that’s the second question in the conversation.  The first is usually, “What’s wrong with you?”  I’ve had some time to think about this.  The movie quoting that is; there is nothing wrong with me.  And here’s the truth.

Aristotle basically coined the concept of Tabula Rasa.  It means “blank slate.”  I first heard the phrase Tabula Rasa as a freshman in college.  I’ve been intrigued by it ever since.  It simply expresses the idea that we’re all blank to begin with, as in from birth.  Only through living do we fill up the blank slate and become who we are.  Surely you remember where you were on 9/11.  Why do you remember your location on a specific day over a decade ago, but not two years ago?  I’d argue you remember it because 9/11 was a surprise.  That’s the reason I remember movie lines so easily.  They are a surprise to me.  All of life is, but movies especially.  I watch movies as a blank slate. Do I know the good guys are going to win?  Will the guy get the girl?  Yes, yes.  Just like I know that I’m going to eat another meal soon.  But just because I’ve been right every day about my chances of eating again doesn’t mean that I don’t know with certainty what my next meal will be.  And that doesn’t mean I can’t immerse myself in a film and pretend that maybe, just maybe this time the bad guys will win and the story will end with something more gripping than the guy getting the girl.

Movies have so many lessons.  Any type of storytelling does.  As we talk, if you’ve seen the movie I’m referencing, our connection in this lifetime just grew.  If not, I hope you at least found my best attempt to reenact the scene enjoyable to witness.  Either way, our time together increased, and as a consequence our relationship deepened.  Maybe that’s why I do it.  Maybe I reference movies so much because it lengthens the conversation, consequently increasing our time together.  It’d be a sad world if you think I ought to be ashamed to admit that I want to spend more time with you.

The conclusion challenge:  If you can’t remember much, are you assuming too much?  Are you living life with a full slate?  How’s that working for you?  A blank slate is much more fun.  It’s like in the movie “Dumb and Dumber” when Jim Carey discovers 25 years after the fact, “No Way!  That’s great!  We landed on the moon!!”

Course Correction

Introduction.  Body.  Conclusion.

Pilots perform a takeoff.  Pilots fly to a destination.  Pilots land safely.

I always rush into things.  Four blogs later, I realize I should have begun with an introduction.  My thinking was that we’re all big boys and girls.  Read my writings or don’t.  I want you to like them for what they are in and of themselves, not because I convinced you to.  Just the same, I do think that I owe you an introduction of sorts explaining why I think you should enter into this relationship.  That’s easy.  It’s because I am a pilot.

I love that pilots are stereotyped as arrogant.  That makes this so much easier.  Introduction complete.

Pilots are arrogant.  But it’s justified.  We actually do know better.  When it comes to making decisions, especially time-sensitive decisions, nobody knows how to do it better.

This is because unlike non-pilots, pilots get practice at living.  Think about it.  I have.  There is no more perfect metaphor to life than flying.  That means there is no more perfect way to practice life, than flying.  Each has three parts.  1.  Birth & Takeoff.  2.  Life & Flight.  3.  Death & Landing.

1.  Birth & Takeoff – The moment a human is born, a sequence of events which has only one ending begins.  It is the same in flying.  Once an aircraft takes off, either controlled or uncontrolled, it will land.  “What goes up must come down,” as they say.

2.  Life & Flight – The metaphor grows stronger the further we explore it.  In life, as in flying, there is only the illusion of control.  Life can end at any moment, no matter how it has been lived.  Seemingly healthy people drop dead with no warning.  There is no formula for longevity.  You can do your best to live ‘correctly’, and yet you’re not in control.  The same goes for flying.  Everyone can agree that during the flight that killed you, you made every decision perfectly.  That doesn’t change the fact that you’re dead.  While the vast majority of aircraft mishaps are determined to be caused by pilot error, there are still plenty that are simply out of the pilot’s control.

3.  Death & Landing – This brings us to the deathbed.  As we age, we certainly spend more time thinking about how we lived.  Looking back, we are at least curious if we would make any decisions differently if given the opportunity.  After a pilot successfully lands his aircraft, he too looks back and analyzes how the flight went.  Why does he do this?  Because flying, like life, is inherently dangerous.  Unlike life, however, the danger in flying is imminent.  The pilot knows this, and wants to avoid the danger at all costs.  So the flight’s events are recounted.  Mistakes are discussed in an attitude of learning.  He always is thinking about the future and what can be done to avoid making the same mistakes next flight.  And with every successful landing, there arrives another opportunity to take flight once more.

Here’s where the metaphor blossoms.  Pilots are arrogant, we do know better, because we literally get to practice living.  Each time we takeoff we face the threat of death, even if we perform our duties flawlessly.  Consequently, the few hours we are in the air become mini-lifetimes.  Grounded people only live real life.  As mistakes are made, the consequences occur and are lasting.  If similar situations arise, there is a possibility to avoid making the same mistakes.  Generally though, the intensity of the consequence isn’t strong enough to avoid it on a second chance.

Consider being hundreds to thousands of feet in the air.  Are you sure you want to stubbornly ignore what looks to be the thunderstorm that is building in your flight path?  You know that if you fly into it, you could die.  You might wait until the last moment, but you turn.  But the thunderstorm that is the recurring fight with your spouse, parents or children can be flown into every day with minimal immediate consequences.  Unlike a real thunderstorm that can immediately kill a pilot, that thunderstorm might take the rest of your life to kill you, but kill you it will.

What about the hydraulic leak you’re being told about?  How much fluid can you lose before the system fails?  If you don’t know the answer, you conservatively end the flight early, and learn the answer before you fly again.  Similarly, there can be slow leaks of love and respect that when ignored can kill a relationship.  But unlike the situation of the imminent threat of death if you lose your hydraulic system, taking the time to learn how to stop leaking love and respect might seem like it can be put off until another day.  Can it though?

In the end, the pilot has intense motivation for actually learning from mistakes.  The grounded person does not.

The pilot, then, lives one mini-lifetime after another.  Over and over again.  Practice, practice, practice.

Whether pilots have ever been aware of this metaphor or not, the very nature of their profession affords them the opportunity to apply the lessons they learn at work, to their personal lives.  And this is why we seem arrogant.  We wouldn’t make the decision if we hadn’t already thought it through using our professional debriefing skills.  This is why we don’t seem to want to hear other opinions.  We’re sure that we know what we’re doing, and sometimes we’re just lazy and don’t want to take the time to explain how we came to our decision over and over again.  The result is that it seems like we’re dogmatic and uncaring.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

This is not to say that pilots don’t make mistakes.  This is not to say that pilots don’t sometimes treat minor life events with too much gravity.  But when it comes to making decisions, to developing criteria with which to make decisions, to sorting through the vast amount of information and discerning what it truly important, pilots won’t steer you wrong.

In conclusion, this blog will serve two purposes.  First, it is the place where you can come to read some of flying’s most important lessons learned.  It should be clear now that these could also be called life lessons.  Second, it is the place I will use to improve my writing skills.  As mentioned here, the ability to stop and debrief the recent past is invaluable, so your feedback is priceless.  Was I unclear?  Do you disagree?  Let me know.  Like pilots say, “We don’t crash in compartments;” so my failures will become our failures.  The same is true for you.  The only way to get there is together.