Dear Spoiler Alert,

As you know, it has been a while since I’ve written you.  No, this isn’t a dream.  Please try to pay attention.  I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship.  No, I’m not actually your child.  I know it is difficult for you but can you be patient and hear me out?  There’s something I need to tell you.  No, I’m not pregnant with a demon.  It’s about us.  Well, actually it’s about you.  No, you’re not dead.  Come to think of it, I don’t know where to begin.  No, the end is not the best place.  Do you remember growing up?  No, I’m not here to tell you your parents were actors.  Do you remember your first Christmas?  No, there’s no change, Santa Claus is still a fantasy.

Writing this letter is proving more difficult than I imagined.  No, I’m not writing from prison.  I think there is something wrong with you.  No, you’re not an android.  You see, when we were young…  No, you were not abducted by aliens.  When we were young, there was a time when you used to let me experience life for myself.  No, I’m not breaking up with you.  Please just continue reading.  Life used to be so full of wonder.  No, we are not about to be overrun by zombies.  I used to laugh, get scared, and generally love my life.  No, you can’t have my bike; this isn’t a suicide letter.

One day something changed.  No, we still haven’t found life on other planets.  I don’t remember the specifics.  No, I did not just awake from a frozen sleep.  I can remember a time though, when a pretty girl gave you extra attention because you knew something before everyone else.  No, I’m not that girl’s daughter.  Please keep reading.  I have a little more I want to say.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve all ruined the end of a movie for someone else, at least accidentally.  No, they didn’t send me to bring you in for a lobotomy.  But with you it was different.  You never apologized.  You never changed.  From that first time until now, you have been making life miserable for me.  No, you didn’t infect me with the rage virus.  Please just try to continue reading.  Because of you I am unable to add enjoyment to life.  Because of you I am unable to capitalize on life’s unpredictability.  I don’t want to know what happens at the end.  Can you understand that?  Life isn’t about being the first to know what happens next.  It is about spending time with people.  Experiencing things together.  No, I haven’t met someone else.

You need to know that there is no end.  Do you understand?  No, that’s not because our energy continually passes on to other beings.  I mean to say that I think you should try living in the moment.  There is no big reward for sharing what happens at the end.  When I know the ending ahead of time, it doesn’t add value.  Really, it only highlights your personality’s flawed nature.  No, you don’t suffer from multiple-personality disorder.  Ugh, I give up.  No, this isn’t where I reveal that I’ve always been the bad guy.  Is there nothing I can say to get to you change?  Is there anyone you’ll listen to?  No, this isn’t an intervention.

I hope you understand I had to try.  I guess you always knew how this would end.

Your Good Friend,

Motion Pictures

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