The power company sent a letter informing me of my newfound power to save money.

Oh joy! Tell me more!

The method?

When I need to see, turn off the lights.

When I need to cook, turn off the stove, turn off the oven.

When I need to do laundry, turn off the washer and dryer.

When I need to shower, turn off the water.

Get it? Isn’t it brilliant? I bet they had their monkeys working ‘round the clock to develop that one.

What next? Restaurants saving me money, putting the power in my hands by charging less between 9:01 and 9:02, both AM and PM? What a deal!

Gas stations down the road from each other now give dramatic discounts immediately after you fill up at the competition, ‘Just bring your receipt!’? Count me in!

Trash companies now let me save by skipping my house for five years straight and then it’s only a fraction of the cost for one big pickup? Let’s go!

I have no idea how much “energy” should cost. Or food. Or fuel. Or trash removal. But I do know that I know best, and with pinpoint accuracy, absolute certainty, and perfect timing, exactly what I need, why I need it, and when I need it—not you.