…to a mohammaden boy and dad in my daughter’s kindergarten class.

Will you help?

My daughter, A-, came home and told her small brother and I that a her table-mate told her there is no Santa Claus. The trouble is this wasn’t a classic case of some kid seeing his parents wrapping the presents or hearing his older sibling spoil the fun. This was a little jihadist who sees the Great Satan everywhere not covered by bedouin clothes.

After confirming to A- and J- (whose relief was palpable and adorable) that there most definitely is a Santa Claus, I told A- to tell the boy, “If I was you, I wouldn’t be worried about Santa as much as Pedro Negro!”

Then reality hit. I mean, this poor kid is here. And in kindergarten no less. There are even futures which contain him and my daughter being friends—or worse!

What to do?

Here’s my plan. I bought the boy a toy car of the classic ‘57 Chevy Bel Air in Teal. Think Beach Boys Americana.

I bought the dad a book I have read: The Lost History of Christianity: The Thousand-Year Golden Age of the Church in the Middle East, Africa, and Asia–and How It Died.

The car is pure assimilation. IE, it’s a beauty—appreciate it or learn to appreciate it. Or leave.

The book is a challenge. “Here’s what we all know. Do you know it, sir?”

I have also printed a three page introduction to Santa Claus from my set of “The Children’s Book of Knowledge”, circa 1950. It is actually internationally flavored, explaining different traditions from different cultures.

Lastly, I will write a note of introduction. As in, I am Santa and want to introduce myself.

What should it say? What feeling will work?

“Work” meaning “move the family away from rigid-mohammedan-anti-assimilation-bullshit and towards the Christmas spirit.”

Comment below with your thoughts and ideas. Any and all are welcome, to include criticism of the plan.