Older Metallica Fans Depressed By Recent Findings

Rock Gods Metallica just became the first band to perform live on all seven continents last week.  Adding icing to the cake, they accomplished this enormous feat within the last calendar year.  However, the news isn’t all unicorns and rainbows.  Without stating its intentions, a private polling organization released survey results which strain credulity, and frankly, are depressing.

736 randomly selected participants, ages 13-25, were given the following information and question: “Metallica just performed on on Antarctica.  This means they have performed on all seven continents in 2013.  What is a continent?”

  • 13% answered “I don’t know”
  • 36% answered “Something in space; like an asteroid, I think.  Metallica sure is crazy”
  • 19% answered “It’s another word for country”
  • 32% answered “One of the main landmasses on the globe, usually reckoned as seven in number (Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, North America, Australia and Antarctica).

More surprising than the fact that more participants thought a continent was an off-earth body is that these young people never learned that the longest answer is usually the right one.

Nevertheless, “you can’t keep a good dog down” as they say, and the older Metallica fans are lifting themselves out of these findings’ mild depression by reminding themselves that over the last 22 years Metallica’s Black Album is the “highest-selling record in the U.S., period.”


One comment

  1. Elliani

    Nice write up. Science, geography, history, math and music were my worst subjects (leaving only PE and English as the only two subjects with which I had any interest…not talent…only interest). Boys–chasing them–were the only reason I stayed in school. But I was a good test-taker and knew to answer the longest answer or the one that was “all of the above.” This story, if you think really hard about it, touches all areas of my ignorant adolescence. Approaching this question, I would have first wondered what Metallica is. Rock Gods? Hmmm…maybe having something to with mythology. No answers dealing with mythology but outer space is close. I might have chosen B. Choosing A was out of the question. I would have technically been correct but teachers would have marked it as wrong. I applaud these honest teenagers for their integrity to answer honestly. Choosing C might have tempted me because I still don’t know the difference between a country and a continent. But in the end, yes, D would have appeared the best answer given its lengthy explanation. Kudos for educating me today.


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