How To Avoid Responsibility

(If you’re short on time, skip to the bottom for numbered instructions.)


He was going to be late.  He was going to be late and that meant that there wasn’t going to be parking nearby.  He didn’t know what to do.  Scratch that, he knew exactly what to do.  It was just that what he wanted to do had consequences.  Those consequences are what scared him.  If only there was some way he could avoid being responsible for his actions.

Then is struck him!   His car had emergency flashers.  He could park in the no-parking zone right outside the building, and simply fib a little.  What would be wrong with that?  He knew that the no-parking zone was never needed anyhow.  And he was in a hurry.  It was a very important event.  The brilliance of the plan was that only a real hard-case would call-in a car with emergency flashers blinking.  How could anyone actually distinguish whether there was an emergency or not?

Okay, one problem down.  Next up, people were waiting for him.  He said he’d be there at 9:00.  It was 8:57 and he was still 15 minutes away.  Like a thunderbolt, he was struck again with a great idea.  Reaching for his mobile phone, he texted his friend to say that he would be late.  It was beautiful.  The best part was that the friend he texted was the most responsible person he knew, so of course he’d already be there.  That this friend would share the news with the others further justified his tardiness.

“Yes!” he exclaimed, pulling into the no parking zone.  He’d done it.  Once inside, his friend chastised him for being late.  “But I sent a text,” he started.  Noticing his friend’s changing expression, he pressed deeper into the crowd.

Later that night as he approached his car, dizzying yellow lights attracted his attention.  “But I had my flashers on!” he lamented to the truck driver.

“Oh well,” he thought to himself.  “Nobody noticed I was late, and they can shove this ticket up their ass,” he said tearing up the ticket.

Instructions for How To Avoid Responsibility

Step 1 – Believe you are smarter than everyone else.

Step 2 – Ignore any indications that Step 1 is not true.



  1. Joan

    Here’s how I avoid responsibility. When I park in the NO PARKING zone, with or without the flashers going, I tell myself, “I am a very wealthy woman. This is a very expensive parking spot. I am worth it.”


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