Dating Status Update

It’s official. I’ve fallen in love. I’ve fallen in love with myself. You read that right. I’m officially announcing my new dating status: confirmed bachelor.

Now, I don’t exactly know what this means, but I feel like some very attractive men have made this claim in the past and that makes me want to be a part of that group. God’s honest truth, though, is I hope it means that I don’t ever have to break up with another woman. Breaking up is no fun, and I like fun. Fun is good; no fun is not good. It’s that simple. So I’m a bachelor for life. Neato burrito.

One lady in the medical profession, who fell in love with my blog personality back in the beginning of the year, emailed me. I emailed her back. Steamy words were exchanged. Then she felt guilty and asked if I was running a “predator site”. Wow. I was shocked and angry. But I took note. Was/am I running a predator site? Was my blog and my expression of myself some indirect way of luring unsuspecting women into giving themselves to me, albeit in digital form? Obviously the answer was no. But I have been thinking a lot about the whole scenario and realized that me expressing my problems on this blog is really not the way to go. I don’t need any help. I’m not weak. I don’t have PTSD. I don’t have women problems. I’m not looking for pity. Sometimes I’m pretty angry at how life is unfolding, but in reality I’m good.

Recently I haven’t been writing because I feel like all that I want to say falls under the I-can-help-this-man-if-he’d-only-give-me-the-chance predator-ish category. Today, however, I had this confirmed bachelor epiphany, so I’m running with it.

Yet, I still am a man and fantasize about meeting the perfect woman. I’m going to share these fantasies in an effort to help demonstrate why I am declaring my confirmed bachelorhood. The newest one came to me while at the gym. I noticed a few female members giving it their all and realized that while their bodies and energy and focus and dedication were extremely attractive, the truth was that I don’t want a woman who has to put effort in to maintain a desirable figure. Nope. I want a woman who looks great in workout attire as she waves around the rubber coated two-pound weights that literally accomplish nothing. That’s my dream woman. If it takes effort to keep her figure, then that scares me. What happens if she gets lazy? Seriously. No one wants that.

Anyhow. Just a random thought that leads me to conclude single-hood is the way to go and rightly so. Happy Monday, as they say.

7 comments

  1. noelleg44

    Seriously, Pete, you made me chuckle this morning. I am having SUCH a hard time accepting there’s not women (note the plural) out there for you. What my mother called pebbles on the beach. You got it all working for you – all I can think is that the women where you live are deaf, dumb and blind. As to finding a woman who is naturally slender: not impossible, but your metabolism changes with each decade, and even slender and curvaceous women may find they have to spend some time keep their shape. I would look at it from the health point of view – a slender woman who does not exercise puts her body at risk (heart disease, bone loss etc.)
    Just a word of observation from your local medico

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  2. Lucy Furr

    Noelleg44 nailed it. “a slender woman who does not exercise puts her body at risk (heart disease, bone loss etc.)”

    But I do understand the declaration of Bachlorhood status. After being dumped recently by my so-called 99% OKCupid match boyfriend, I’ve donned a permanent Bachlorette status and now I’m dating strictly for fun–zero expection of anything more.

    Currently, I’m spending time with a short, fat, Latin, podophilac-a mere 58% match–who enjoys massaging my feet and painting my toenails. I haven’t met my soulmate but I’ve certainly met my sole mate. 😉

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  3. mcbeales

    Brilliant post. Am nervously approaching a double-date myself at the end of the week, set up by a friend, and am in that scary mode of anticipation while knowing not to expect anything (although hoping I don’t make the classic entrance of falling over, up-ending a table and flinging a full bowl of spaghetti over my intended date – I’m sure it can happen). I do believe though, when you don’t think it’s going to happen is when it actually does (hopefully spaghetti disaster free).

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  4. Alex

    We need to get you a dog, no wait, a cat. Or maybe a couple hamsters? H wouldn’t mind, I’m sure of it. As for the girl problems, just remember to “keep your stick on the ice.”

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